Thoughts on My Paper

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   So for English class we are required to write one paper on anything we
want. It's pretty casual, so I decided to keep in form with everyone
else and attempt to make it humerous. Tell me what you think...

DISCLAIMER: Yes, it is somewhat
political and it is very very hypocritical. The politics isn't up for
discussion, that's merely in there to be hypocritical,
which is my main method of trying to be funny. So don't post saying
something about the pro-**edited** marriage reasoning, that's not what I'm
going for at all, just take it lightly.

English Class Is Not
Free-Speech Alley

              How
did our topics of conversation change so dramatically? I remember back to
seventh grade—the good ole’ days—when the most significant and pressing issues
in our lives were last recess’ football game, our current social standing
(relative to the “popular” and “unpopular” groups), and Pokemon. Speaking of
which, I was the Pokemon king. With my possession of the blue version, I traded
my two-dimensional warriors with whomever I wanted, and that was that. Everyone
else thought red was such a cool color and purchased their “version”
accordingly, but, no, not me. I was something special, the true Pokemaster. But
those images now only exist as a mere flashbacks to an era long past, for as
Juniors in high school we have progressed, or at the very least transformed
into hot-headed attention-seekers searching for any method to release our
brewing teenage angst. While the focus of this insecurity can range from how
absolutely ridiculous the female human being can be to how absolutely
ridiculous, say, our American History teacher’s interview projects can be, the
rant will almost always devolve from such high levels to a downright dirty
discussion of politics.

              Another
sad truth is quite patent to any student caught somewhat awake during a class
allowing group discussion; this inherently evil topic seemingly becomes so
ingrained in a few students’ minds that they begin to use any opportunity given
to transform the class into a soapbox from which to spew biased political
rhetoric (that a month later they may or may not still agree with). An innocent
speech class question along the lines of, “Given the situation and assuming you
are on Mary Miller’s parole board, would you recommend that the governor pardon
her?” could spawn a response such as, “Well, no, I would not. Only a Democrat
would do that because Democrats are wimps, stupid, and dumb. I hope none
of you are pro-Kerry because all Democrats need to go to France and are lacking
souls.” This complete disregard for unbiased reasoning—and logic in general—is
not limited to one side of the fence, however. If directed toward another
student less interested in carbon-copying what their parents and/or Rush
Limbaugh is saying and more interested in saying whatever “the man” is not advocating,
the answer may come out as, “Well, yes, I would. Goodness knows that we need to
release as many rehabilitated prisoners as we can to save money since we’re
wasting so much fighting a pointless war over fictional weaponry that Bush
invented to take everyone’s attention off the fact that he has lost more jobs
since any president since Herbert Hoover and—“. “Thank you for answering the
question,” the teacher finally cuts in to everyone’s relief.

              These
exact scenarios make me wonder exactly what it is that the political experts of
Catholic High School, class of ’06 really have weighing down on their
minds. Is the constant bickering over who will be the government’s new talking
head just a way of expunging the thoughts of lost love, lost grades, and lost
minds? Or perhaps the lost days of old where we could simply sit around the
school’s modest bell tower and beg Erick Piller for his level ninety-nine
Pikachu? Whatever the true qualms are, I may never know, as I am never guilty
of such a crime. As a matter of fact, there is only one dilemma stressing me
out from time to time—the fruitless attempts to understand the thought process
of those whose opinion on **edited** marriage is not identical to mine.

              Honestly,
I mean, what is with the Grand Old Party being fundamentally against
homosexuals taking part in the act of a marriage as opposed to a mere civil
union? In my most humble opinion, Republicans marching stoutly along
party-lines in regard to **edited** marriage are off their rocker. The question is
not, “Why allow **edited** marriage?” No, the question to ask is surely, “Why not
allow **edited** marriage?” The largely conservative bloc of the media—talk radio—says
that it destroys the institution, but I argue that it will strengthen it!
Homosexual couples do not wish to hold the sacred title in order to subvert
marriage or because they despise it, but because they believe in and cherish
the concept of that union so strongly. And as for the definition of the term being
“between a man and a woman”, well, one could point out that for the longest
time the definition of marriage was “a contract where a woman is the legal
property of her husband”. In ages past women could not vote, blacks could not
attend the same schools, and in the present, homosexuals cannot marry. The
United States of America was founded on ideas of equality, protection of the
minority, and progressive thinking, so why must we move away from the ideals of
our founding fathers?

              In
any case, today is a new day and we have our entire lives ahead of us—we should
not waste precious time arguing aimlessly at every given chance. I mean, for
crying out loud, very few of our classmates can even vote! Worry about the
important things in life such as your friends, your English class, and Pokemon
while those are still the most grave and significant metaphorical objects in
our once-again metaphorical perspectives. I understand that this rant has been
lengthy, so I will sum up the entire address: English class is not free-speech
alley (or a place for unfairly biased political rhetoric), and Republicans are
dumb.