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Wedding Help

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Zata View Drop Down
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    Posted: 18 March 2019 at 1:13pm
First post in years I think...Iím guessing some of you may have experience in this situation or at least advice.

My mom and dad are both helping with my wedding - theyíre divorced.

My mom is planning on giving about twice as much as my dad but doesnít know that.

I feel that my dad has the ability to give more. He did say to let him know if he can help more.

Should I just let them give what they want? Or should I tell my mom to give less so itís fair?

My mom raised me more than my dad and has had my back in a lot of situations. I feel that I owe it to her to take less money.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote impulse418 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 18 March 2019 at 11:53pm
Is your mom in a position to give more?
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Zata Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 March 2019 at 4:01pm
Originally posted by impulse418 impulse418 wrote:

Is your mom in a position to give more?


Can't tell if this a "your mom" joke.  Assuming it isn't, I'd say no.  She came up with that amount on her own.  We haven't asked any parents for a specific amount.  Obviously we will take all the help we can get but I feel like it should be somewhat fair. 
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote DeTrevni Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 March 2019 at 5:57pm
I don't know about wedding etiquette, but it seems to me like gifts should never be counted on or expected. I say if they're willing to help at all, congrats.
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Zata View Drop Down
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Zata Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 19 March 2019 at 9:59pm
Originally posted by DeTrevni DeTrevni wrote:

I don't know about wedding etiquette, but it seems to me like gifts should never be counted on or expected. I say if they're willing to help at all, congrats.


Agreed.  My OP probably came off wrong.  I guess what I meant was I'm surprised my mom is offering more than my dad.  I certainly don't expect anything though.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Hairball!!! Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 March 2019 at 12:16am
My super sexist, bigot opinion is that your mom assumes your fiance/fiancee wants a bigger, expensive wedding and wants to hook it up while your dad assumes it'll be smaller or more of a compromise.

Ideally you could get a decent idea of pricing on what you want your wedding to be like and maybe ask for half-ish from each parent. I've never planned a wedding though, so that may turn into a total cluster.

Tangential, but just today saw a bit of advice about not mentioning "wedding" when dealing with certain service providers. Bakers, florists, etc may jack their prices up when it's for a wedding.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote impulse418 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 March 2019 at 10:52am
They jack up the price because weddings are a pain in the butt and require extra work.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Zata Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 20 March 2019 at 3:44pm
Originally posted by Hairball!!! Hairball!!! wrote:

My super sexist, bigot opinion is that your mom assumes your fiance/fiancee wants a bigger, expensive wedding and wants to hook it up while your dad assumes it'll be smaller or more of a compromise.


I'm fortunate that my fiance is reasonable and doesn't want to spend a lot.  Although that's easier said than done it seems.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote tallen702 Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 22 March 2019 at 1:45pm
I'd just leave it lie in terms of asking for more/less. They're giving you a number they're each comfortable with, otherwise they wouldn't be doing it.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote SSOK Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 23 March 2019 at 10:03am
Originally posted by tallen702 tallen702 wrote:

I'd just leave it lie in terms of asking for more/less. They're giving you a number they're each comfortable with, otherwise they wouldn't be doing it.


You'd be surprised.

Many people who grew up poor (or paycheck to paycheck at least) got fantastic gifts from their parents.

There is a desire to dump money on christmases or big events to make up for the time you couldn't do something else, even if it means not building a personal savings account at all. Or credit card debt because you feel bad.

So, yes, they both each may be comfortable with it but who actually knows if they can do it.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote FreeEnterprise Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 March 2019 at 9:30pm
Don't spend more than $4,000 on a wedding. Total... 

Set budgets for everything and stick to the budget. Weddings are a total waste of money as it is a one day event that you will barely remember. The important thing is being with friends and family. Don't buy into the high cost hype. 

My first wedding cost $35,000. 550 guests for a sit down dinner. Crazy money spent. A smart thing would have been to save that money for a house, or something that has value instead of a one day parade for my mother in law to live out her fantasy wedding that she never had. 

My second wedding cost $3,500. I paid cash for it. I have so many friends who pay for their weddings for years. They so regret it...
They tremble at my name...
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote Eville Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 March 2019 at 10:12pm
Originally posted by FreeEnterprise FreeEnterprise wrote:

Don't spend more than $4,000 on a wedding. Total... 

Set budgets for everything and stick to the budget. Weddings are a total waste of money as it is a one day event that you will barely remember. The important thing is being with friends and family. Don't buy into the high cost hype. 

My first wedding cost $35,000. 550 guests for a sit down dinner. Crazy money spent. A smart thing would have been to save that money for a house, or something that has value instead of a one day parade for my mother in law to live out her fantasy wedding that she never had. 

My second wedding cost $3,500. I paid cash for it. I have so many friends who pay for their weddings for years. They so regret it...

After 11 years, I...agree with FE.  Buddy of mine took out a $50k loan for a wedding in Napa.  GF and I both agree that cheap is the way to go.
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Post Options Post Options   Thanks (0) Thanks(0)   Quote RoboCop Quote  Post ReplyReply Direct Link To This Post Posted: 26 March 2019 at 11:38pm
I would let them give what they want. If you really think they are putting themselves in the hole to give you this gift, then I would ask for less. Maybe if you keep costs down, you can give some back afterwards and say things came out cheaper than expected and you would feel better giving some back. But it's your mom, and if she is like mom, she will want you to have it and use it wisely for getting your new life started.

I think my wedding was under $10k, but we were lucky that my wife's parents were able to gift that in entirety to pay it off with extra to keep for ourselves. But they were also able to gift more than that later on and now we have a good savings in our joint account in case of emergencies. We definitely lucked out finding a good venue that had good catering and basically an in house wedding planner all for cheap. Also had a family friend DJ for us for cheap and paid an inexpensive photographer that had to be 10% of what a normal wedding photographer costs. The ceremony was also in a church which may or may not help with costs depending on the venue and time you want.
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