whos on?

nevermind...

anyways...

whats up?

hello?

how was matts birthday?

what'd you do?

oh

so...did you ask your mom if you could come over tommorrow?

pissed?

why?

did you go to matts without permission?

oh

not at all

i was just curious as to why she was pissed

ah...

well, i didnt think you were trying to blow me of

sorry, my parents where in the room

and they wouldn't leave

ok, im here

na, i know you wouldnt blow me off, and you came to the beach, which showed you cared

so...

hmmm...

maybe you could leave a note asking if you can come over, that way you're not just calling in the middle of the day

like on the counter or something

no, but leave a note asking, and then call at noon

that way, she has time to think

because i really want to see you, really need to see you

we need to talk, need to work things out

because i cant go on like this

...

what?

changing the subject

ell...we need to work things out, and it will be hard, but only as hard as we make it...and the longer we wait, the harder it will be...i just don't want to wait till its to late...

...

oh, sorry about that

...

...ok

i just want you to know, whatever it is thats screwing this up right now, i don't want to be mad at you, i just want to understand

because thats just the way i am...i guess i want things to be okey...so i just act like it...kinda...denial i guess...but i just dont want to make things worse, i want to make them better

...you always act sad, as if you've ruined everything

but i don't feel like you have

alexis, everyone makes mistakes, if i hated you just because you screwed up, i would hate myself even worse...i'm way better off with you, you make me a better person, and giving you up is not a mistake im willing to make

i can't take this anymore...please just tell me what happened, so i can think about it

its hurting me way worse not to know

just get it out

ok

take your time, i know this is hard

except i actually want you to come over

...i sorta thought this might be it...

does that mean they like matt?

well...do you like him better?

does he make you happier?

i think the point is to always have someone to be there for you, someone you can trust, someone you can love, and someone you know loves you

I love you too, and all ways will, no matter what happens

ecause...to be honest...i don't really blame you...its human nature

i just think what would happen if our roles were reversed, and i understand how hard it is for you

thats because i know every second i spent with you wasnt a waste, spending it with you was what made it worth while

then let me talk for a bit, give you some time to think

...have you ever seen the movie "high fidelity?"

the guy in it has a girlfriend, and they're in love...but theres always other women sorta tempting him, because theres always little things that aren't right with his girlfriend, and these other women seem so perfect, but when he gets to know them, he realizes they aren't even close to as perfect as he thought, there's still little things that aren't right...and he realizes how truely happy he is with his girlfriend

all those other women are just fantasies...as soon as reality sets in, it all falls apart...he knows that the little things that aren't perfect are what make his girlfriend perfect...

yes and no

im not saying that all my mishaps are perfect

....gah...hard to explain

nobodies perfect, but thinking someone else will be better just isnt realistic

but

maybe matt is better for you, he is younger, plays tennis, and his mom is a teacher

hes a cool guy

im just a pile, im older, can't hit a tennis ball with all the luck in the world, and my moms a writer

im just a dork who tries his hardest to be everything you deserve

i'm not athletic

i'm not cool

i dont have the best fashion sense

no, because i always want to be there for you

but...

well, josh and steph are really into each other, and they try they're hardest to make it work, even though they've only got 2 more years together

and even though steph was mad at josh for not doing anything with her tonight, he tried his best to make her happy, and it worked, and i realized how lucky he is, how lucky they are

its been just short of 5 months, we've still got 24 left

and i always want to be there for you for these next 2 years

gah, i always mess that up

i just can't count

i want to be there always...including the next 2 years

i just don't think its going to be easy for me to be there for you always if you've going to toss me aside for some other guy, just because you don't want things to get too serious

but...thats not a threat...i always will be here for you

a freshman slut...

haha

pyshic

well...not trying to sound critical...

but...theres not many chicks who go after a guy whos a grade younger...and whos schmitty...

its doubting what things are really all about, doubting whats meant to be

...me too...

at night

its good practice?

sorry...couldnt help it

i just don't understand why we should jepordize everything just because its our junior year

but you only live once

just because we're young doesn't mean this is wrong

my dad was in college when my mom was in 2nd grade, isnt that wrong? but they work well

and kinda illegal...haha

....thats a good point

kinda like shane and diane

well, you had shane, i had..shudder...diane

yeah...you win

but

still

not trying to start a riot or anything...but why conform to society's ideals? why can't we have a serious relationship in high school?

i guess its not even being nonconformists...plenty of people do it

ho ho ho...settle down

i promise you am not after said serious thing

yeah, i did

three strikes in baseball, but you can still hit a homerun on the first pitch...or you could miss, and maybe get lucky on your third swing, get a single, or a suicide bunt

ok...

what im trying to say is

why quit just so you can say you did?

why give up just so you can try again?

...yeah...sorry about that...im being a bit harsh

just a bit more, then i'll let you get some rest

but please...

just think about this

do you think things would ever last with matt? or is that the whole point, theres no comitment

true

but do you think hes going to turn out completely different than you expected...in a good way?

yeah, i understand, and agree

just listen for a bit, ok?

how would you rather have things turn out?

end of summer, senior year, we tell each other goodbye, how much we're going to miss each other, and how much we'll always love each other, and promise to catch up on weekends/holidays...then cry, knowing it will be a while before we're together again

or...

end of summer, senior year, you're alone (or with another guy), we talk a bit, tell each other to have fun in college, don't party to hard...and secretly we're both crushed inside, having given up what could have been the happiest 2 years in a long time

everytime we walk through the halls, everytime we see each other, a surge of regret washing over, realizing what could have been

I honestly love you too, and nothing will change that

I'll never forget a second I spend with you

but please, give me a chance to make more memories with you

ok

take your time, make the right decision, make your decision, not mine, not anyonelses

i guess its just im confused

whats left to experience? other guys, who might take you for granted, might hurt you

might treat you right, might make you happy

but what happens when things start going good with some other guy? tell him theres yet another guy?

no

im not saying that

but...i think you're afraid of comitment, afraid that if you stay in to long, you'll get hurt no matter what?

i know you're not that kinda girl, i know you

you should, because the first guy you ever dated cheated on you

but please dont let him ruin it for me

well, this is your chance to change things

im just trying to say

that

i love you, and that i could never do anything to purposely hurt you, it would kill me, and i can't swear i'll keep every promise i make, but i'll do my best to do it, to be the best i can for you

there hasn't been such a thing so far

i would trade these 4 months for the rest of my life

just to live them over

and i'm trying to change that

my lifes full of comitment, i guess im just lucky

and i know that it does exist, it does work

if its true, if its sincere

if it comes from the heart

i understand that you've had a hard life

full of heartbreak

broken promises

and i'm not offering any

you are strong, brave, and show maturity beyond your years to make it through all that

i'm scared too, i've always been

but thats when we need each other the most

yeah, i've always been afraid you'd finnally get bored of me, get sick of me...find another guy

but...

those fears are natural

and to give up, to hide instead of facing these fears isnt going to do any good, it will only make things worse

i'm afraid of plenty of things...heights, but that doesnt keep me out of trees or off of roofs...and my fears never kept me from loving you with all my heart

yeah, me too

and i never think its ok to feel sad

but it is, im just a bit messed up

spending your life hiding from your fears, running from them, is no life to live

i'll always be here for you when you're afraid

and i'll be right there next to you to face your fears

yes, and i understand that

but please, if you're afraid of getting hurt if you stay in this too long...

well...

there are two choices...spend the next 2 years together, happy, working through the rough patches together, and when the end finally comes, we'll be heartbroken

i don't know about you, but i'll be just as heartbroken now, and seeing you everyday for the next 2 years isnt going to make it any easier...please don't think i'm trying to guilt you into anything, i'm just saying...

and theres always the regret that these next years will be wasted with other people

i know that if we're still together at the end, i won't regret a minute of it

i'll always be commited to you

but its going to break my heart anyways because i won't see you as often in college

you can have all the time you need to think, to make the right decision, one you won't live the next few years regreting

...either way...

maybe you'd regret spending the next few years with me, having fun, and loving me, but wondering what else is out there

cutting things off?

well...

if you want to be alone for a while, think it all over, thats ok with me

if you want to come over, talk, anything, thats ok with me

and...if you want to spend more time with matt...see if hes really worth throwing it all away...thats ok with me

strings attached?

you're not alone, i'm always here for you

if that is what you want

i want that

can i just say something?

if this whole thing with matt is just because your afraid of being hurt if you're committed to me, then please, don't do this...i cannot promise you that i will never hurt you, but i can promise that i will do everything i can to not hurt you

if its because matt is a cool guy, well...i would be fine if you wanted to hang out with matt...

but...i guess i just dont get it

why would you give this up for him? i have nothing against him, but things seemed so great, because they were great...why risk it all just for something that probably wont work well?

yes...and i understand

and thats why i want you to take all the time you need to think this over

i don't want an answer right away

i want you to think, to make sure you've made the right choice

and that might never come, you might always feel some doubt

mmmkkk

but...please...don't leave it like that forever...because i'll always be conflicted inside, still feel like i always have

as long as we've been together

no, i've always loved you

but...if i'm always gonna be stuck at just your bestest friend, well...that hard

but...take all the time you need

haha

id hang myself

don't hog all the rope

well...

do you want to come over tommorrow night, just to hang out?

na

talk about anything and everything, and WATCH a movie?

finally

or we could play cards

haha awesome

yes!

well...please...will you leave a note for your mom, just so she knows whats sorta planned, and then call her?

haha

fair enough

k..babe...haha

me too

nopes

you speak vietnamesse?

oh..

nm

mmm...yeps

oh i know

a sucker that fell on the beach

its covered in sand...but its still kinda good if you sorta brush it off a bit

mmm...lucky...mmm...

did you suck the ice cream off, and then spit it back in?

hahahah

wanted to talk

but...

i have a confession to make...

i went to the beach, bored

roger told me you were at matts

i figured maybe i'd see you at the beach, maybe not

yeah

when?

well...i was wondering if you would be honest

and you were

i guess...

wanted to know if you were sneaking around

not telling the truth

trying to hide it

yes, and im glad you were honest

and i'm glad i got to see you

yeah, i don't want things to get weird

so im really glad we're gonna be really good friends

im going to sleep well, glad that we talked, worked this out

and im glad that hopefully your coming over, cause im bored

hahah

hahaha silly

his retainer has a duck on it

it does

...yeah?

mmmm...me too

i wasnt

nighty nighty, sleep tight

and i mean that, get a good night sleep babe

love you

mmm...bye babe