Thoughts and Opinions - Paintballer’s Night Before Christmas

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Paintballer’s Night Before Christmas

Printed From: Tippmann Paintball
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Topic: Paintballer’s Night Before Christmas

Posted By: Whazuuup!
Subject: Paintballer’s Night Before Christmas
Date Posted: 09 December 2005 at 8:53pm

This one's a lot lighter than the Marine poem, so I figured I'd make a new thread for it. This gets posted every year, but I haven't seen it yet, and It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas where I live...

I'm sorry, as I don't know who originally wrote this, but it's pretty awesome.

'Twas the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Not a creature was stirring, 'cept Johnny DeLouse.
He polished his gun and topped the agitator,
Awaiting old Santa, who'd be by some time later.

A cruel trick Santa played on last Christmas day,
When he left poor Johnny a cheap old Stingray.
He worked through the summer as a grocery shelf stocker,
And he saved and he saved for a tricked Autococker.

He awaited St. Nick in a tactical crouch,
His camo matched perfect, his mom's brand new couch.
His red dot cast an eerie a glow on the place,
As he waited for Santa to show his fat face.

When out on the roof there arose such a clatter,
That Johnny got ready for Santa to splatter.
He pulled down his Spectras and chambered a ball,
'Cause Santa was here, and was fixing to call.

Now Santa's no dummy, he has intuition,
He took down the chimney his own ammunition.
He wore an Invader and sported a Mag,
A case of RPS tucked away in his bag.

That volley which followed was more than just fair,
The paintballs collided in the midst of the air.
Johnny dove for new cover, and Santa moved too,
The place would be wrecked before they were through.

As their hoppers went empty and their shooting did quit,
Johnny wiped off his goggles, he couldn't see a bit.
Old Santa was crouching on one ancient knee,
And stacking the presents under the tree.

Johnny was aiming to shoot at him some more,
When the sight in his sights made his jaw hit the floor.
Santa ignored him, in his eye was a glisten,
As he layed out for Johnny a nitrogen system.

He went up the chimney as quick as he'd come,
He left Johnny dripping paint, emotionally numb.
He'd ambushed old Santa and was now feeling mean,
But Santa laughed last, he left him to clean.

Johnny straightened the stockings and he wiped up the paint.
He cleaned until morning, he thought he might faint.
Santa's an awesome player, he thought in his head,
As he trudged to his bedroom and into his bed.

Don't wait up for Santa on this Christmas Eve,
That jolly old fat guy has a trick up his sleeve.
If you've revenge in your eye like Johnny DeLouse,
you'll only get spanked and end up cleaning the house.

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Replies:

Posted By: Whazuuup!
Date Posted: 09 December 2005 at 8:56pm

Also, here is a "Forumer's Night before Christmas" Written by Tai Kwon Do last year. (I hope you don't mind me posting it)

'Twas the night before christmas, when all through the forum,
Not a thread was posted, not even the boring;
So I shut down the computer with care,
In hopes that Santa Shenk soon would be there;

I wrapped myself up all snug in my bed,
While the conversation I just had on PBC ran through my head;
About 11:45 I was awaken from my nap,
And I went to the toilet to enjoy a crap,

When out on the lawn there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the throne to see what was the matter.
Tripped on a pile of books I did dash,
Into the window my forehead did crash.

As I recovered, my brain it did hurt
But as soon as I saw it I went on alert
Tearing up my yard as it ripped up the ground,
Was the fearsome mini-gunned cart they call the Hell Hound.

I knew it was Santa Shenk and his gaggle of men,
I was thinking already of my plot to defend.
More rapid than beasts, the pirates they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;
"Now, Koolit! now, Patrick ! now, Stingray and Dredly!
On, Sebastian! On Artanis! On, Dave Ellis and Funky!

They loaded their hoppers and ran to the wall!
Scatter! Scatter! Scatter you all!
The busted out ropes and tossed up a hook
And made their way up, combat like, to my roof.

So up to the housetop, the soldiers they flew
With pods full of paint, Santa Shenk too.

I have to battle these intruders, I must do what is right!
So I gassed up my 98 and prepared for the fight.
My gun in my hand, I was turning around,
Down the chimney Santa Shenk came with a bound.

He was dressed all in black, from his toes to his throat
With his free hand he dusted off his trench coat.
A harness of ammo he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a psycho, about to mentally crack.

His eyes -- how they burned! His demeanor so scary!
Out from his Pro-Carb, flew paint the color of cherries!
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a scowl,
He began to roam my house, like a bear on the prowl;

With a mohawk on his head and a chin covered in stubble
You could just tell this dude meant trouble
I jumped from behind the sofa, letting out my best battle cry,
Into the cold winter night I let my paint fly

Santa Shenk spun towards me and twisted of his head,
But the balls hit their mark, I now had nothing to dread;
He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And out from his pack, he pulled with a jerk,
I knew the fight was worth it, I could now see my prize!
On the couch he tossed me my brand new A-5!

He ran to the HellHound, and gave his team a whistle,
Meaner than fire, and tough as gristle

But I heard him exclaim, as he tore out of sight,
"HAPPY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"

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Posted By: cdacda13
Date Posted: 09 December 2005 at 9:11pm

The paintball one is pretty funny. It just proves that mag>cocker.

Posted By: WGP guy2
Date Posted: 09 December 2005 at 9:53pm

cdacda13 wrote:

The paintball one is pretty funny. It just proves that mag>cocker.

Why was Johnny DeLouse running a cocker on CO2?

Posted By: Whazuuup!
Date Posted: 09 December 2005 at 9:56pm

Cause he was on a tight budget. I hope he at least had an anti-siphoned tank and a good regulator...

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Posted By: Da Hui
Date Posted: 09 December 2005 at 9:57pm

Those are beautiful.

Tai Kwon Do, you forever have my respect

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Posted By: djrock
Date Posted: 09 December 2005 at 10:07pm

Da Hui wrote:

Those are beautiful.

Tai Kwon Do, you forever have my respect

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It's been changed jackass.

Posted By: Panda Man
Date Posted: 09 December 2005 at 10:22pm

WGP guy2 wrote:

cdacda13 wrote:

The paintball one is pretty funny. It just proves that mag>cocker.

Why was Johnny DeLouse running a cocker on CO2?

Because if its anything before the 2005 cockers they can run just fine on it without anything really bad happening.

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Posted By: bravecoward
Date Posted: 09 December 2005 at 10:45pm

Good job on ruining the night before christmas

Posted By: Heres To You
Date Posted: 09 December 2005 at 11:17pm

Panda Man wrote:

WGP guy2 wrote:

cdacda13 wrote:

The paintball one is pretty funny. It just proves that mag>cocker.

Why was Johnny DeLouse running a cocker on CO2?

Because if its anything before the 2005 cockers they can run just fine on it without anything really bad happening.

Don't forget the red dot sight...

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"War is an ugly thing, but not the ugliest of things. The decayed and degraded state of moral and patriotic feeling which thinks that nothing is worth war is much worse."

Posted By: Snake6
Date Posted: 09 December 2005 at 11:24pm

Heres To You wrote:

Panda Man wrote:

WGP guy2 wrote:

cdacda13 wrote:

The paintball one is pretty funny. It just proves that mag>cocker.

Why was Johnny DeLouse running a cocker on CO2?

Because if its anything before the 2005 cockers they can run just fine on it without anything really bad happening.

Don't forget the red dot sight...

Unless they are Ebladed..

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Posted By: Apu
Date Posted: 09 December 2005 at 11:36pm

Doesn't WHALE write a new one every year? He may update last years.

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I need a new Sig...

Posted By: Boss_DJ
Date Posted: 09 December 2005 at 11:38pm

Apu wrote:

Doesn't WHALE write a new one every year? He may update last years.

yep...can't wait for this years

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Posted By: Tae Kwon Do
Date Posted: 10 December 2005 at 9:48am

Boss_DJ wrote:

Apu wrote:

Doesn't WHALE write a new one every year? He may update last years.

yep...can't wait for this years

Yeah, I always write a new one each year, and update the names and story and such. I have been doing it for about 4 years now. The new one will be posted on...go figure...the night before christmas.

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Posted By: usafpilot07
Date Posted: 10 December 2005 at 10:38am

Tae Kwon Do wrote:

Boss_DJ wrote:

Apu wrote:

Doesn't WHALE write a new one every year? He may update last years.

yep...can't wait for this years

Yeah, I always write a new one each year, and update the names and story and such. I have been doing it for about 4 years now. The new one will be posted on...go figure...the night before christmas.

be afraid

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Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo

Posted By: bluemunky
Date Posted: 10 December 2005 at 12:40pm

usafpilot07 wrote:

Tae Kwon Do wrote:

Boss_DJ wrote:

Apu wrote:

Doesn't WHALE write a new one every year? He may update last years.

yep...can't wait for this years

Yeah, I always write a new one each year, and update the names and story and such. I have been doing it for about 4 years now. The new one will be posted on...go figure...the night before christmas.

be afraid

Very afraid.

TKD's is good, I like that one.

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Posted By: pbdude985
Date Posted: 10 December 2005 at 12:47pm

lol those ar great

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