Twisted wishes
Printed From: Tippmann Paintball
Category: News And Views
Forum Name: Thoughts and Opinions
Forum Description: Got something you need to say?
URL: http://www.tippmannsports.com/forum/wwf77a/forum_posts.asp?TID=170091
Printed Date: 07 November 2025 at 2:19pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.04 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Twisted wishes
Posted By: reifidom
Subject: Twisted wishes
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 8:41am
|
You post a wish. The next person finds a way to grant that wish but twist or pervert it and then posts one of their own. Quote the wish to be granted to keep it clear. Bonus points for creativity.
Example: Wish - I wish I had all the money in the world. Wish granted - All worldy money comes to you, crashing the global economy and launching the world into chaos. Your money means virtually nothing. My wish: I wish I had perfect health. ------------- 
|
Replies:
Posted By: -ProDigY-
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 8:44am
|
My wish: I wish I was a little bit taller, I wish I was a baller, I wish i had a girl that looked good, I would call her. ------------- 
|
Posted By: reifidom
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 8:47am
Granted - You develop a hormone disorder, you can play ball (but not well) and your girl has stopped answering her phone. Wish: I wish I could read/write/speak all languages. -------------
|
-ProDigY- wrote:Posted By: Reb Cpl
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 8:50am
|
Granted, but still noone wants to communicate with you. I wish I was home sleeping. |
Posted By: reifidom
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 8:55am
Granted - Work passes you up for a promotion you would have gotten had you been there. Wish - I wish for an honest government. -------------
|
Posted By: Da Hui
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 8:57am
Granted - You get an honest government and you are hit buy a bus. Wish - I wish a had a succesfull life. ------------- 
|
Posted By: carl_the_sniper
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 10:40am
|
Wish - I wish I had a 12" penis ------------- <just say no to unnecessarily sexualized sigs> |
Posted By: Da Hui
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 10:44am
Granted - You have a 12" penis, but are unable to achieve an erection even with the usage of Viagra. Wish - Kanye West to go away. -------------
|
Posted By: reifidom
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 10:44am
Granted - You get one in the mail. Edit:
Granted... just granted. Wish - I wish I could predict the movements of the stock markets. -------------
|
Posted By: carl_the_sniper
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 10:48am
|
Granted - you end up in jail like Martha Stewart Wish - I wish I had a new ferrari in good condition ------------- <just say no to unnecessarily sexualized sigs> |
Posted By: reifidom
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:03am
Granted - You become the latest target of a 16 year old in a 1973 Gremlin. Wish - I wish for infinite wisdom. -------------
|
Posted By: Panda Man
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:16am
|
Granted - You will end up with Amnesia by the age of 40. Wish - I wish My wishes wouldn't get twisted. ------------- 
|
Posted By: Skillet42565
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:19am
|
Granted. You wasted your wish. I wish for a loving family and plenty of money ------------- 
|
Posted By: Skillet42565
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:22am
|
Uh oh, double post! Congrats to reif for making something to help get the forum out of the rut its been in lately. -------------
|
Posted By: Panda Man
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:23am
|
Granted - Your Family will move out on you, and your 401K will belly up faster then Enron. Wish - This will be the last Company I work for. -------------
|
Posted By: Kingtiger
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:23am
|
Wish: I wish for more paintball gun parts/gear. |
Posted By: carl_the_sniper
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:24am
|
Granted - Money corrupts your family and they all die in a murder-suicide. Wish - I wish I did 9/11 ------------- <just say no to unnecessarily sexualized sigs> |
Posted By: Panda Man
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:28am
Granted - YOU DID DO 9/11 you Sick <KRL>! Wish - I Wish I had that Mak90 I saw at Cabelas. -------------
|
Posted By: Mack
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:30am
Granted: You receive a shipping container filled with paintball gear. However, it all becomes illegal to use because of Smart Parts lawsuits. Additionally, the people at SP fixate on you as the cause of all their problems and stalk you constantly, having you arrested and sent to jail* every time you use the aforementioned gear. Wish: I wish I had better study habits.** *Where bad things happen to you. **Which is what I should be doing instead of posting. Edited for additional wishes that showed up above while I was working on the first one:
Granted: However, you had the misfortune to survive and be taken into custody by the CIA. You eventually wind up in Abu Ghraib; which, in this version of events, was never discovered/shutdown and live to a ripe old age there.
Granted: However, you failed to note the small sign on it at the store that said "fragile non-firing replica." Despite this, you decide to use it as a display but accidentally break it while attempting to hang it on the wall. ------------- 
|
Posted By: reifidom
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:31am
Granted - It's in your posession after having been used in a murder spree.
Granted - You study very well but then sleep through several classes. Wish - I wish I never had to pay for anything ever again. -------------
|
Posted By: Kingtiger
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:36am
|
Wish: I wish that this thread would be a little more entertaining. |
Posted By: carl_the_sniper
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:36am
|
Granted - Free prostitutes means more herpes for you. Wish - I wish I was president of the internet ------------- <just say no to unnecessarily sexualized sigs> |
Posted By: Kingtiger
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:38am
Wish: I wish that I had good enough grades so that I didn't need to go to school ever again. |
Posted By: carl_the_sniper
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:39am
I see your title suits you ------------- <just say no to unnecessarily sexualized sigs> |
Posted By: PAINTBALL1
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:39am
Granted- You are arressted for MULTIPLE grand theft larceny charges and sent to prison. Wish- I could read peoples minds, and know the what the future holds ------------- USAF Special Weapons Technician. |
Posted By: Kingtiger
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:40am
|
Posted By: reifidom
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:40am
Granted - But your internet stops working just after you realize this. Simply killing off somebody is a cheap way to ruin their wish, true, but it lacks... finesse. Creativity is the way to go. I thought granting the 12" penis wish by sending him one in the mail was my best so far. Wish - I wish Starbucks would go out of business. -------------
|
Posted By: Kingtiger
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:42am
|
Wish: I wish my wishes couldn't be twisted. |
Posted By: Panda Man
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:44am
|
Wish Granted - Starbucks goes out of Buisness, but re-opens under a new name, and becomes bigger then ever before. Wish - I could be a 1/2 decent musician. -------------
|
Posted By: Gatyr
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:46am
|
EDIT: Damn...wish granted. You hopes of living off of your music go up, you leave school, only to pursue a dead end career as a musician and end up playing in the lobby of 3 star hotels for the rest of your life.
Granted, starbucks goes out of business, teenagers/college students lose their jobs; the high school students have less to spend on luxuries, spending goes down, cut backs happen for many companies, driving the unemployment rate up and amount of spending down, furthering the cycle; college students have no means of paying for their education, and are forced to drop out into the recession you just caused, ruining their lives. I wish that china stops gaining so much economic power. ------------- 
|
Posted By: Da Hui
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:46am
Granted - You become a 1/2 decent musician, but then are murdered by Courtney Love. Wish - That I had the powers of Jesus -------------
|
Posted By: Gatyr
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:48am
|
Wish granted, turns out he never existed, and your existence ceases. -------------
|
Posted By: Mack
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:49am
Granted:
Granted: The resulting economic unrest collapse their government, which in desperation launches all of their nuclear weapons at various targets around the globe. The resulting retaliation leads to an atomic slugfest which leaves the earth a burnt-out, smoking cinder. I wish I could win $100 million in the Powerball lottery. -------------
|
Posted By: Da Hui
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:53am
Wish - MO N00DZ -------------
|
Posted By: Mack
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:54am
Granted: But they are of Rosie O'Donald and Rosanne Barr. Edited Note-forgot to include a wish: I wish I was irresistible to female supermodels. -------------
|
Posted By: reifidom
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:55am
Granted - You hit the $100 million jackpot, and so do 999,999 other people. or Granted - You win $100 million and misplace the ticket for 366 days. Wish - I wish I had the power of telekinesis. -------------
|
Posted By: Tolgak
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:55am
Granted - Too bad MMO Monopoly money doesn't transfer over to real life. Wish - A super-fast computer that can run any game to ever be made until the end of time at full graphics and realism levels. ------------- 
|
Posted By: PAINTBALL1
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:55am
Granted- They are all of 400lbs chicks with <KRL(S)> Wish- I will win the mega millions jackpot on friday ------------- USAF Special Weapons Technician. |
Posted By: stratoaxe
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 11:59am
Granted-Your millions are delivered in the form of Scott Stapp CD's. Wish-I become ruler of the world. ------------- 
|
Posted By: Mack
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:01pm
Granted: However, you have imperfect control of your gift and spend the rest of your life being randomly battered by objects that you accidentally attracted. By the way: Good thread.
Granted: You get a Holo-Deck set up just like the one from the Star Trek shows. It comes with an awesome 1st person shooter that no one else has (Alien vs. Predator vs. Doom 14). The first time you play, the system malfunctions and you are trapped inside with the safety system shutdown and no way to exit the system. Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse, you realize that you chose the hardest game setting (UberSux) which limits ammo to initial issue, weapons to knife and pistol, and provides instant respawn for creatures. Wish: I wish I was a superhero. -------------
|
Posted By: Gatyr
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:02pm
|
Granted-You are assinated in 30 days your jealous cousin. -------------
|
Posted By: Da Hui
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:04pm
|
Wish - Angelina Jolie becomes my sex slave. Edit: Pre Brad Pitt Angelina Jolie. -------------
|
Posted By: reifidom
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:06pm
Thanks, and I laughed at being battered by things my whole life.
Granted - You are a great superhero, but the counterpart supervillain you inadvertently create is better and utterly ruthless. Wish - I wish I could defy gravity at will. -------------
|
Posted By: Gatyr
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:09pm
|
I suck at remember to make a wish.
Granted - she has a new strain of super aids dubbed "uber aids," you contract the disease, despite all of the protection you used, and you wind up dying 4 months later. wish: I had the ability to pleasure a woman by making eye contact. -------------
|
Posted By: Panda Man
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:10pm
Granted - You get Herpes 3 days later. Wish - I never have to pay for Gas again. -------------
|
Posted By: Tolgak
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:11pm
Granted - Eye contact doesn't have to be made to pleasure a woman. Everywhere you look, females fall down with orgasms. You are arrested for biological, sexist terrorism. Wish - My Mazda 3 was a manual. -------------
|
Posted By: Da Hui
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:12pm
-------------
|
Posted By: reifidom
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:12pm
Granted - And that's all any of them are ever in the mood for. Wish - I wish to have free access to any place I desire. -------------
|
Posted By: Panda Man
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:14pm
|
Granted - Your Car is mistaken for one in a Drug Deal, and are arrested for contributing to minors, soliciting narcotics, and for having pictures of 14yr olds in the trunk of your car. Wish - This Thread disappear.  -------------
|
Posted By: Mack
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:15pm
Granted: Large beer-swilling, burrito, baked bean, and pickled egg eating people will go out of their way to fart on you from now on. Monty Python Quote: "I fart in your general direction." Wish: I wish I could lose 30 lbs without having to do all the physical stuff I'm doing right now or doing any dieting. -------------
|
Posted By: Tolgak
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:18pm
Granted - It takes you 5 days. But for the next 4 years you have Olestra-like side effects. Wish - My previous two wishes are granted. -------------
|
Posted By: Panda Man
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:20pm
Granted - you gain a tapeworm, and it's offspring spread through out your body and start to feed on your liver, you die of Scurvy 10 days later. Wish - I could figure out how to play Xbox 360 games on a PS3. -------------
|
Posted By: PAINTBALL1
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:21pm
Granted 1 wish: Mazda becoming a manual, but the guy who converted it has no idea what he is doing. So from now on everytime you shift an air bag deploys randomly in your car. Wish- I had mind control abilities ------------- USAF Special Weapons Technician. |
Posted By: reifidom
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:21pm
Beat me to it, but I liked mine. :)
Granted - Your right leg falls off. Wish - I wish to have any food I wish to eat immediately before me. -------------
|
Posted By: PAINTBALL1
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:23pm
Granted- As cool as it is no-one cares and the WII pwns your life from now on. Wish- My family has the lifestyle we always wanted. ------------- USAF Special Weapons Technician. |
Posted By: Panda Man
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:24pm
|
Reif. Granted - you become so overwhelmed with choices, you end up gaining schizophrenias and start biting people. Wish - I had $30K to Restore my Truck. -------------
|
Posted By: reifidom
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:24pm
Granted - But it turns out that that's not what makes them happy. Wish - I wish that there were no more evil. -------------
|
Posted By: Panda Man
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:26pm
|
Reif. Granted - Everyone Starts to Take LSD and everyone dies of a Drug over-dose. Wish - I didn't have to work today. -------------
|
Posted By: PAINTBALL1
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:26pm
Granted- Turns out evil doesnt exist, just the perception of it. Wish- My family was happy. ------------- USAF Special Weapons Technician. |
Posted By: Gatyr
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:31pm
|
granted - happy family but you remain miserable and loathe everyone of them for being so happy, so you kill them.
granted - No evil exists. Billions perish due to someone in another part of the world thinking their way of living or their beliefs are evil. Wish: I wish that I was able to breeze through college without ever having to study but come out with a 4.0 gpa. -------------
|
Posted By: reifidom
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:34pm
Granted - You become the greatest Ornithologist the world has ever known. Wish - I wish that I was able to fly with Superman like ability. -------------
|
Posted By: Mack
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:35pm
I already granted your computer wish. The manual transmission wish is granted as well, but you suddenly develop an uncurable medical condition that renders you too uncoordinated to use a manual transmission. Wish: I wish I had more time to stay in this thread, but I have stuff to do. -------------
|
Posted By: Da Hui
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:36pm
|
Wish granted - you get fired and everybody you know avoids you like the plauge Wish - I had the ability to blow things up with my mind. -------------
|
Posted By: Gatyr
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:36pm
|
granted, but you aren't able to control your thinking, and you blow up the universe.
Granted - you get blisters on your bum from sitting for so long, they get infected, and you die. I wish Tupac was still alive. -------------
|
Posted By: PAINTBALL1
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:37pm
Granted- You are caught cheating and your degree is rendered worthless and no college will accept you. You will spend the rest of your life ending sentences with " your total is $5.02, please pull up to the second window" Wish- China would use lead paint on it's own toys, instead of ones sent to the U.S. ------------- USAF Special Weapons Technician. |
Posted By: reifidom
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:37pm
Granted - And in your sleep you blow up everything you ever dreamed of. :) Wish - I wish for super strength. -------------
|
Posted By: stratoaxe
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:38pm
|
Granted-You blow up your goodies during masturbation. Wish-I had Bill Gates' job. -------------
|
Posted By: PAINTBALL1
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:39pm
Granted- You find out Tupac was never killed, and thus hate him forever for lieing to the world. Wish- Batman was real. ------------- USAF Special Weapons Technician. |
Posted By: Gatyr
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:43pm
|
Granted, but you never find out because his existence is hidden to the general public due to him being forced by the CIA to work over in Iraq to better the situation there.
Granted, you get the job, run microsoft into the ground, lose all of your money, and send the world into a depression.
Granted, the super strength causes you to crush the little reifidom twins I wish there were no more racists. -------------
|
Posted By: Tolgak
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:50pm
Granted - Everyone becomes the same race. Wish - New cell phone. -------------
|
Posted By: Da Hui
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 12:51pm
|
Granted - but you phone is sprint and therefor sucks Wish - America had an intelligent president. -------------
|
Posted By: Gatyr
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 1:03pm
|
Pres. gets assassinated by a moron who is unhappy. I wish that there was peace in the middle east. -------------
|
Posted By: carl_the_sniper
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 1:24pm
I wish that monkeys could talk ------------- <just say no to unnecessarily sexualized sigs> |
Posted By: PAINTBALL1
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 1:35pm
Granted- Monkeys turn out to be GENIUS and over the course of 50 years take control of the U.S and eventually the world enslaving the human race as we know it. Wish- Burlington Coat Factory would burn down (without unjuring anyone) ------------- USAF Special Weapons Technician. |
Posted By: Panda Man
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 1:37pm
|
Granted - A disgruntled employee goes around the country burning them at Night. Wish - My washer(Clothes) was faster. -------------
|
Posted By: carl_the_sniper
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 1:44pm
|
Wish - I had aids then died and everyone I knew did and went to hell and the universe blew up and everything else possible happened. ------------- <just say no to unnecessarily sexualized sigs> |
Posted By: Panda Man
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 1:45pm
|
Granted - but you are the only one killed in the Chaos. Wish - I had a pepsi right now. -------------
|
Posted By: Tolgak
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 1:51pm
Granted - Coke with more sugar was given instead. Later, you find the drink you so highly enjoyed wasn't really a Pepsi. Angry that you had been duped, you cry. Wish - More money in my paychecks. -------------
|
Posted By: PAINTBALL1
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 1:52pm
Granted- It is the BEST pepsi you have ever tasted in your life! From drinking said pepsi you go into an utter daze, fall out of your chair knocking over your purple lava lamp igniting a fire that blazes through your house and every house on your street all the way to the local gas station causing it to explode. The neighborhood thinks it's a terrorist attack and blames you. You are arressted and sent to GITMO where you waste half of your life waitng on appeals. You should have just had a Coke instead. Wish- Afford a second car ------------- USAF Special Weapons Technician. |
Posted By: PAINTBALL1
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 1:53pm
Granted- The extra money is from your boss who is a male who you have been performing "favors" for. Wish- Found legal, easy way to make millions from my home ------------- USAF Special Weapons Technician. |
Posted By: reifidom
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 2:28pm
Granted - But months into the project you're sued for monetary damages by somebody who patented the method weeks before you began. Wish - I wish that empathy was the greatest defining human trait next to self-awareness. -------------
|
Posted By: Skillet42565
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 3:00pm
Granted. The world is now weakened enough for Anonymous to take over. I wish I had another guitar to add to my small collection. -------------
|
Posted By: PAINTBALL1
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 3:08pm
Granted- It is a SWEEEET guitar too, only it sounds like Rosie O'Donald taking a dump everytime you play it. Wish- World peace, to end poverty and some fresh baked choclate Chip cookies, warm from the over of course. ------------- USAF Special Weapons Technician. |
Posted By: bravecoward
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 3:36pm
wish granted, but POW made the cookies and since there is world peace they don't make the fresh cookies. thus making the cookies rare and worth more than money and gold so everyone goes back into poverty. I wish i could go back in time in Scrooge's style ------------- 
|
Posted By: Gatyr
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 3:39pm
|
War stops, economies fail because of the lack of wartime productions, poverty ends but the horrible economy forces people to begin stealing, and before you can enjoy your cookies, they get stolen by your sister/brother/mom/dad. I wish I wasn't hungry right now. -------------
|
Posted By: Skillet42565
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 3:40pm
Granted, but you get athletes foot. I wish I could watch Rosie O'Donnell take a dump on my new guitar. -------------
|
Posted By: bravecoward
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 3:44pm
Granted, but you achieve an erection while watching the action and start to consider whether or not have sexual feelings for a lesbian is gay or not. i wish i knew kung fu -------------
|
Posted By: Gatyr
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 3:49pm
|
Granted, but Neo shows up and proceeds to kick you in the face. -------------
|
Posted By: PAINTBALL1
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 3:51pm
Granted- As you are showing off your mad skills to your mom and dad your dog runs through the house trips you and you fall through the window landing on your sisters best friend and touch her boob, you are then slapped to death, thus rendering that girls PWNED you and your Kung Fu. I wish to see that event unfold. ------------- USAF Special Weapons Technician. |
Posted By: Kingtiger
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 4:05pm
|
Granted- But you need to have secks with Rosie O'Donnell wish: to have my title taken away |
Posted By: Brian Fellows
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 4:18pm
|
Granted: Your title is replaced with "I <3 Bestiality". My wish: Sausage. |
Posted By: Skillet42565
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 4:21pm
you recieve a non-literal, homoerotic version of sausage -------------
|
Posted By: Kingtiger
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 4:22pm
|
Wish: For food. |
Posted By: Brian Fellows
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 4:26pm
Yes! |
Posted By: Yomillio
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 4:35pm
Granted, but its poisoned. I wish that noobs would leave. ------------- 
http://www.tippmann.com/forum/wwf77a/forum_posts.asp?TID=172327 - Forum XBL Gamertag Collection |
Posted By: Brian Fellows
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 4:41pm
|
Granted: You are forced to leave. (Come on, you know you had that one coming). My wish: An official Red Ryder carbine-action two hundred shot range-model air rifle, with a compass in the stock and this thing which tells time. |
Posted By: Skillet42565
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 5:08pm
its broken beyond repair when you get it I wish to learn how to dined in hell -------------
|
Posted By: carl_the_sniper
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 5:17pm
The food is bad wish - I wish my penis fell off ------------- <just say no to unnecessarily sexualized sigs> |
Posted By: Horsepower
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 5:33pm
Granted : But your dog eats it and dies. I wish we would catch bin laden within the next year. ------------- 
Come Get Some ! |
Posted By: stratoaxe
Date Posted: 12 September 2007 at 6:07pm
|
Granted-But Britney Spears marries Bin Laden, forcing you to see their faces everywhere for the next fifty years. Wish-Pauly Shore would die in a plane accident. -------------
|