Hey married guys!!
Printed From: Tippmann Paintball
Category: News And Views
Forum Name: Thoughts and Opinions
Forum Description: Got something you need to say?
URL: http://www.tippmannsports.com/forum/wwf77a/forum_posts.asp?TID=185469
Printed Date: 11 September 2026 at 5:18pm
Software Version: Web Wiz Forums 12.04 - http://www.webwizforums.com
Topic: Hey married guys!!
Posted By: ThatGuitarGuy
Subject: Hey married guys!!
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 10:22pm
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I need advice. No, I'm not coming here only for advice, I am using my real-life friends too. I am completely in love with the girl I'm seeing. (in B4 we get it, you redhead) I'm going to ask her to marry me. Yes, it's been a short relationship so far, but we were talking before we started dating, so I know her pretty well. These feelings are strong, and she's passed all the tests. My daughter likes her, my family likes her, and she reacted well to my "musician speech". Do I need to suggest she move in with me first? We've been doing the staying at each others places basically 3 or 4 nights a week anyway, so the next step I guess is moving in? Advice? Opinions? Questions for the married guys, just so I have some sounding boards. Are you happy? How did you know she was the one? Any warnings I need to know before asking her? Or should I just stick with the moving in thing now? ------------- Skillet: I've never been terribly fond of the look of a vagina |
Replies:
Posted By: usafpilot07
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 10:24pm
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Oh God. I'll get the popcorn. This can't end well. ------------- Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo |
Posted By: __sneaky__
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 10:26pm
------------- "I AM a crossdresser." -Reb Cpl Forum Vice President RIP T&O Forum |
usafpilot07 wrote:Posted By: ThatGuitarGuy
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 10:27pm
I actually posted most of this as a joke. There's only 2 people on here who's opinions I'm looking for, and I plan to laugh at everyone elses. ------------- Skillet: I've never been terribly fond of the look of a vagina |
Posted By: Darur
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 10:29pm
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Of course you did ------------- Real Men play Tuba [IMG]http://img89.imageshack.us/img89/1859/newsmall6xz.jpg"> PH33R TEH 1337 Dwarf! http://www.tippmann.com/forum/wwf77a/log_off_user.asp" rel="nofollow - DONT CLICK ME!!1 |
Posted By: Impulse.
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 10:33pm
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Prenump ------------- [IMG]http://www.word-detective.com/berry.gif"> |
Posted By: usafpilot07
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 10:35pm
------------- Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo |
Posted By: Magoo
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 10:35pm
| Knowing that I'm probably not one of the two that you were looking for, I'm going to have to still throw out there that it's WAY too soon. |
Posted By: slackerr26
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 10:37pm
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oh god you're worse than ROFL
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Posted By: mbro
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 10:45pm
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Four months in?
As a man who has never been in love that is so confusing to me.
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Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos. |
Posted By: Hairball!!!
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 11:07pm
| No. |
Posted By: tallen702
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 11:13pm
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It's a bit early to go popping the question if you ask me. Erin and I knew rather well that marriage was a very real possibility for us, but I didn't think I "knew" until after about 6 months, even then, you've got to wait a while to let everything flesh out. There are all types of things that neither of you know about the other that might be deal breakers. There were things in Erin and my relationship that we didn't notice, or didn't say anything about for months because we didn't want to offend the other person, or mess it all up in the early stages. Even the little things can cause major headaches down the road. Sure, you think you can live with them now, but who knows how you'll feel 2 years from now.
Story time!!!! I've been "sure" that "this girl's the one!" 4 times in my life and, in all reality, the only time that was actually true was with Erin, my wife. The first one was a college girlfriend of almost 2 years. I love everything about her but when it came down to it in the end, we wound up wanting different things for our lives. She wanted the big city, I wanted suburban life. It just didn't work out even though right up until then, I was sure that she was going to be "the one." Girl number two was a divorcee that I had known for years before dating. I really and truly loved her with all my heart, but she had issues that she needed to take care of and that meant me having to let her go. In the end, people who were less caring than me took advantage of her and messed her up even more. Only now is she anywhere near where she needs to be, and now she's a different person than the one I loved. I really wanted to marry her as well, at least I thought I did. Finally girl 3 was someone that was in a similar situation to what you've got going on. We stayed at each other's places all the time. We got along great for about a year, we even went and looked at rings, but then her jealousy came out and took her over. She turned into a complete psycho on me in a matter of months. It was a good thing I didn't wind up popping the question. We wound up breaking up after a year and a half, and it was messy as could be, but thank God I didn't wind up marrying her. Finally, I met Erin. We took it slow for a little bit and then eventually I wound up almost living with her, going home only 1 or 2 times a week to do laundry, pay bills, make sure my room-mate hadn't sold all my stuff for beer money. We dated for almost a year before moving in together. Even then we had a room-mate who was a mutual friend of ours which really helped even out the atmosphere of the place. After about 7 months of living together (this is a year and 5 months after we started dating) I popped the question. Even then, we continued to live with our roomie until the lease was up several months later and then moved into our own apartment where we lived for another year before getting married. Now, it was 3 years between dating and getting married, of which 2 years were spent living together as rent paying partners and almost 5 months of me staying with her almost continuously. I honestly wouldn't have had it any other way. In short, move in before hand, get another person to live there to help even out the atmosphere, get a place with enough room for you to sleep in a different bedroom if necessary (it helps!) and don't jump to conclusions. Most people date at least a year and a half before popping the question. ------------- <Removed overly wide sig. Tsk, you know better.> |
Posted By: MeanMan
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 11:16pm
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I remember the thread about the redhead... That was fairly recent. How old are you? Do you have a well-paying job? How old is the daughter? I'm only 19 and I see some problems. ------------- 
hybrid-sniper~"To be honest, if I see a player still using an Impulse I'm going to question their motives." |
Posted By: procarbinefreak
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 11:16pm
| do it, nothing could go wrong |
Posted By: Rofl_Mao
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 11:17pm
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Go for it. LOL JKING (you guys were expecting me to say that  )take a couple more months dude. |
Posted By: __sneaky__
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 11:19pm
 ------------- "I AM a crossdresser." -Reb Cpl Forum Vice President RIP T&O Forum |
Posted By: Tolgak
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 11:57pm
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My parents decided to marry after like 10 days. The meetup was arranged but supposedly they grew fond of each other really quick. It was the start of two decades of bickering that ended in divorce. If you or your potential spouse are sensitive to the slightest transgressions (something you'll notice early), you have a rough life ahead of you with her. ------------- 
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Posted By: rednekk98
Date Posted: 04 May 2010 at 11:57pm
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I'm not married myself, so take anything I say with a grain of salt. I'm glad you've found someone you love enough to be seriously considering making that kind of commitment to.A lot of my friends/relatives have become engaged/married/divorced over the last few years, so considering that a smart person learns from the mistakes of others, I'll say this: You have history, this is a good thing for your relationship as a whole. That being said, your actual romantic relationship is still somewhat young, and being a somewhat cautious person (on important things like family, not less important things like splitting my head open doing something dangerous/fun) my gut reaction is that it's too soon. When I was considerably younger and less intelligent/experienced, I was in a 2 year relationship with someone I thought I loved. We had had problems, not just relationship problems, but serious events that affected both of us and got through them together. The "trial period" of living together brought to light some serious incompatibility issues that I never would have previously noticed. Her expectations/demands for me did not match my goals for myself, and not on trivial issues either. I suppose had I really been in love, I would have been more willing to compromise on certain issues if I were convinced she was the most important person in my life and an essential part of future happiness for me. This was not the case, and had I been where I had wanted to be financially/personally, I might have been willing to take the relationship further. Eventually we got comfortable enough to not be inhibited about our most personal issues (not just me being comfortable farting in bed, though that is a major relationship mile-stone) and learned some things about each other, and revealed personal concerns about each other that directly related to the ensuing break-up. Again, we were younger, and you have a kid already so I don't doubt your maturity. Just keep in mind that there are most likely still things about each other you don't know, and if you aren't living together, that's even more unknowns. I think you should let your relationship mature to the point where you feel comfortable that the surprises won't be unpleasant and that if they were unpleasant issues for you, you'll find comfort instead of judgment. Wait and evaluate, start a dedicated savings account for a ring, and if it falls through, buy a boat or something. As the son of a musician, that hobby can wear thin after a while. I'm sure my mother loved the idea of marrying one, but when a family crisis arises (and those are inevitable, unless you're first in the family to die) she's going to get annoyed that you're out playing and sticking her with the kids, and annoyed that she isn't at your gigs like she was when you were dating/newlyweds, and will spend the evening drinking as much as she did when she went to your shows, but instead of having fun she will vent her frustration towards any future children you two have, and probably tell the kids that she's vomiting from the stress they cause her instead of intoxication. None of this would be obvious to you at this point. How do you envision your life with her in 5 years? No more kids makes it easier, but people change. Is she the type of person you would still want to be with if something drastically changed or came to light? I say wait, if you are concerned she'll bail if you don't pop the question for another year or two, it's probably a bad question to ask her. There are plenty of couples who have monogamous relationships and kids for years w/o getting married and aren't insecure about the lack of a ring. In this day and age, a pre-nup shouldn't be a turn-off for any mature, rational person. I would consider that, or setting a date waaaaay down the line. One thing that I don't believe will change w/ age: chicks make guys stupid. make sure you're not being stupid before doing anything/one stupid |
Posted By: NiQ-Toto
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 12:03am
WOW there are some long posts in here. Ill just leave this...
 ------------- ///AMG What? |
Posted By: Rofl_Mao
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 12:12am
win. |
Posted By: ThatGuitarGuy
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 12:29am
I'm 26, about to be 27. She's 22. My daughter is 7, her son is 18 months. Yes, job is decent paying, and I have income from a family owned company that was left to me and my siblings when my grandfather passed away. I'm not hurting at all financially. Tallen, the problem with moving a 3rd party, it's my house. My grandfather left it to me when he passed, and I moved in shortly after graduation. I let a friend stay in it for the maintenance and stuff while I was enlisted, as the enlistment was the reason my grandfather left it to me and not to any of the other grandkids. ------------- Skillet: I've never been terribly fond of the look of a vagina |
Posted By: Darur
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 2:53am
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Now for me to add some serious input here. Never been married, but thought I was getting there and I learned some things from it. The first is that you're probably not really in love yet. Yes, you feel all manner of passionate feelings, but the simple fact is you haven't had time to develop emotions beyond those. I wish I could recall his name, but there is a psychologist at Berkley who theorized that there are two stages of love. First comes the passionate love which is intense and strong, which lasts anywhere from 6 months to 2 years. After that comes compassionate love, which is less intense but more stable. Odds are the love you feel right now is passionate, as much as your wanting to spend your life with her now. And I'd say theres no reason that love shouldn't transition to compassion eventually, but it most likely hasn't yet, for her or you. The second is people change. Probably not so much you, if you're 26 already, but shes only 22. Theres a lot of room for changes in her personality, life goals, etc. 4 months in, regardless of past ties, theres still room for her to change a lot. Theres also room for you to change. The third is, unless I am mistaken, you haven't really fought with her yet, or been through crap with her. I'm sure you've had scuffles and disagreements and have been in the dog house (her half-sister, for instance), but nothing that really pitted you two against each other. You've never tested your relationship in that way, and you don't know how you'll react to a serious disagreement or situation. Not to mention, those fights and trials build scar tissue which strengthen a relationship. Let things take their time. Theres no need to rush into anything and putting the pressure of marriage on a relationship just starting to blossom will really stress it in ways that can hurt your relationship and stunt its development. Enjoy what you have and let it go where it will go, and if the time comes to make it something more, then it will come. Good luck! ------------- Real Men play Tuba [IMG]http://img89.imageshack.us/img89/1859/newsmall6xz.jpg"> PH33R TEH 1337 Dwarf! http://www.tippmann.com/forum/wwf77a/log_off_user.asp" rel="nofollow - DONT CLICK ME!!1 |
Posted By: Tical3.0
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 3:15am
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Tyra says its not a good idea ------------- I ♣ hippies. |
Posted By: choopie911
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 3:19am
| I've been with the gf over 3 years, no plans of marriage or kids at all yet, for either of us. |
Posted By: Heres To You
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 6:35am
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Fast relationship is fast... ------------- |
Posted By: scotchyscotch
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 6:48am
| There's no need to get married you nutter. Just give her half your stuff now and see how it goes. |
Posted By: Ceesman762
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 8:59am
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Did you get a 3 way yet with her hot red headed friend? If not, then No.
------------- Innocence proves nothing FUAC!!!!! |
Posted By: Reb Cpl
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 9:03am
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Gonna take a swing here. I apologize in advance- I'm up against a content filter at work whick blocks the forum so I'm going to attampt to say something useful using the crackberry.
I can't really make a judgement on the time thing, I met someone this weekend who dated his wife for 5 months, and they've been married for almost 25 years. There's no rules that universally apply. That being said, my wife and I were together for almost 4 years before we married. To be honest the exact moment where I realized "she's it" was more of a dawning realization than an "ah ha!" moment. In my opinion, 4 months could be a bit soon to get on bended knee (do people still do that? My proposal was to tug at her promise ring and say, "I done like this one, you wear this instead?") But, if you feel like you have to make a move, I'd go with asking her to move in. That serves several useful purposes. 1. It shows her you're serious enough about your relationship that keeping you around might be worthwhile. 2. You'll be taking the big test of shared living arrangements. Spending a few nights a week together isn't the same as spending all your time together. Believe me, this is when all the little quirks come out. Pass this test and you're good for a while. 3. It will prevent you from talking about marriage for another few months at least (provided you pass the test mentioned in step 2) You can't possibly have her move in with you then ask her to marry you immediately after without looking like a screwball. It gives you more evaluation time. Plus, if she declines your offer of shared living arrangements, you've got a great indication of how things might be going and don't risk having her rabbit on the big question. More when I have a real keyboard. ------------- ? |
Posted By: FreeEnterprise
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 9:30am
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Here is my opinion, and lifejournal. I met my wife on the third day of college. Actually the same day I drove mom back to the airport to head home.
On the way I told her that I met the girl I was going to marry...
I had no plans on getting serious and planned on being the same way I was in high school, but I just knew...
So, I keep an open mind when people say they know about someone.
It took a while to convince her to even go out with me. I actually asked her out 9 times before she said yes!
(one thing biking taught me, when you fall, get back up, and try again).
And it was worth it. We dated all through college, and got married right before our senior year. (3 years)
Just because you think someone is "it" doesn't mean you should move in, or get married right away.
I didn't tell anyone besides my mom what I was thinking, and kept it to myself, and it just happened to work out years later.
Marriage is not something you should rush. And moving in together prior to marriage is a BAD idea for a lot of reasons.
The foundation of your relationship should be strong, and that strength only gets there from time, and experience.
Marriage is also not easy. Even if it is the perfect person, you will end up getting into trouble, as that is a big part of marriage. Learning to fight fair, and get through those tough patches are the things that differentiate married people from divorced people.
and you really don't know someone until you have been with them for at least 3 years...
Having a kid makes all of this even more important, as they will be watching to see how you handle this process.
------------- They tremble at my name... 
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Posted By: JohnnyHopper
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 9:34am
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Life is full of regrets. You will always regret doing some things and not doing others, then you die. No big deal either way. ------------- My shoes of peace have steel toes. |
Posted By: Mack
Date Posted: 05 May 2010 at 12:04pm
Tallen, Reb and Darur covered the important points so I'll just toss in a few minor considerations/opinions:
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