Marriage and name change
Printed From: Tippmann Paintball
Category: News And Views
Forum Name: Thoughts and Opinions
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URL: http://www.tippmannsports.com/forum/wwf77a/forum_posts.asp?TID=185963
Printed Date: 04 February 2026 at 5:55pm
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Topic: Marriage and name change
Posted By: nickman98
Subject: Marriage and name change
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 8:16am
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so me and the woman are getting married very soon(and if your thinking about it dont, run off and alope dont plan it you will go insane no matter how much they say they will handle it) and im being told that she will hyphen(sp) her last name. now im not happy about this, i feel she should take my last name and thats it.
so anyone have any experience with this, am i being to stubborn or should i just chop up and hefty her and move along?
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Replies:
Posted By: Kayback
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 8:39am
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My woman was happy to take my last name, so it wasn't an issue for us.
However I'm wondering how you got until now without finding out this would be an issue?! Wait until you are married, then force her to wear a burka and a veil, and make her take your last name. KBK |
Posted By: Mack
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 9:09am
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^^^ Yes, you need to lay down the law. Women need to know who the boss is.* *My wife knows . . . but she still lets me have my own way occasionally. ------------- 
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Posted By: Reb Cpl
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 9:22am
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Can't really offer much here either. My wife never considered retaining her last name or hyphenating.
I guess its more common now than ever, but I don't know, it seems kind of odd to me. ------------- ? |
Posted By: Benjichang
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 9:37am
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So? Get over it. -------------  irc.esper.net #paintball |
Posted By: procarbinefreak
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:13am
| hyphenated names bother me. |
Posted By: RoboCop
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:26am
QFT If this is going to make you mad about it, you don't love her enough to respect her decision. |
Benjichang wrote:Posted By: agentwhale007
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:32am
This. She loves you enough to legally commit to you. The name doesn't make any difference in the world. When I eventually do get married, whatever my girlfriend wants to do with her name, either switch, hyphen or keep her old name, is up to her. The fact she loves me and visa versa is the important part. |
Posted By: tallen702
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 12:36pm
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She may have particular attachment to her last name. She may feel that it identifies who she is, or that maybe her family would be upset by the change. Most women drop their middle name, use their maiden name as their middle name, and then adopt their husband's last name. In some countries and societies, the women keep their old last name and don't adopt their husband's name. I work with a woman who still goes by her last name "Hughes" when her husband's last name is "Knapp". Meanwhile Erin dropped her old last name completely and goes by "Abernethy" now. It's nothing to get upset over. ------------- <Removed overly wide sig. Tsk, you know better.> |
Posted By: choopie911
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 2:30pm
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My mom kept her name, who cares. It makes no difference, it's not weird, and your kids will have your name.
In my mind it's a non-issue |
Posted By: High Voltage
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 2:34pm
------------- 
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Posted By: FreeEnterprise
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 2:46pm
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personally, I would like to see a long term study on the amount of women that keep their last name, and how many cheat/ end up divorced...
I know lots of people that have done that, and they seem to be more likely to lack moral convictions.
it would be an interesting study.
in the end, trust your gut. ------------- They tremble at my name... 
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Posted By: agentwhale007
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 2:49pm
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Posted By: Ceesman762
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 2:53pm
------------- Innocence proves nothing FUAC!!!!! |
Posted By: ParielIsBack
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 2:56pm
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My mom and sister both kept their names when they got married. For your information, FE, my parents have been married for 36 years. ------------- BU Engineering 2012 |
Posted By: agentwhale007
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 3:06pm
But Pariell, I'm sure they lack ... Moral fiber.  |
Posted By: choopie911
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 3:11pm
So you're crazy in all walks of life, not just politics? |
Posted By: Ceesman762
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 3:13pm
you left out the part about them being "painted face whores". ------------- Innocence proves nothing FUAC!!!!! |
Posted By: Linus
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 3:14pm
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Does she have a particular reason to wanting to (half) keep her last name? ------------- 
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Posted By: agentwhale007
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 3:17pm
The Christian bible says it all: Look up Ephesians 5:22-24. They used to teach that one in my high school. It, and other verses about oppressing women, are the reason a lot of my female friends from high school are now atheists.
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Posted By: Magoo
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 3:29pm
| What's her family history? That may be part of it. For example, my family has been in America since around the revolution. One more generation traced, and we would be here longer than there was an America, but we can't trace back any more. Our family has a history here. We even had a fort named after us. Now we're not as old as some European families, but we've got our own impressive history, and to us, a name means more than just a title. Had I been born a female, I'd be very much inclined to keep/hyphenate my name. |
Posted By: pntbl freak
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 3:53pm
Great movie. -------------  |
Posted By: FROG MAN
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 3:55pm
the bible also says for men to leave there family and cleave onto there wife. So maybe we should be losing our last names. Anyway, my wife took my last name since she wants the same name as her children ------------- <1 meg sig = bad> |
Posted By: Monk
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 4:05pm
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Personally I would like it if my wife took my last name. But as far as relationships go, I'm pretty old fashioned. Not to say that I would be overly upset if she hyphened or something. Plus I hate jewelry, so If I have to wear a ring she should have to wear my name. HA! |
Posted By: __sneaky__
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 4:58pm
Please tell me you're joking. ------------- "I AM a crossdresser." -Reb Cpl Forum Vice President RIP T&O Forum |
Posted By: tallen702
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 6:41pm
You obviously have not seen the awesomeness that is my wedding band. Pure titanium baby! So light you can barely feel it, and strong enough to keep a water-tight bulkhead door from crushing your hand. ------------- <Removed overly wide sig. Tsk, you know better.> |
Posted By: Pariel
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 6:51pm
| Pictures, Tallen? My brother-in-law has a pretty cool titanium-and-something else wedding band, which I really like. I'm not a huge fan of regular old male rings, I find them incredibly boring. At the same time, I'll always need something that can get pretty banged up. |
Posted By: God
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 6:55pm
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Or you could take her last name..... Is it really that big of a deal? Or maybe you oth can chamge last names. |
Posted By: Hairball!!!
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 7:28pm
On the opposite side of the spectrum, my dad, an only child, moved here with his parents and no other family. Assuming my sister takes a new last name when she gets married (if she gets married), then it's up to me to further the family name. If I weren't born, or were female, that'd pretty much be the end of the line for my family's name in North America. On a more amusing note, a friend of mine was considering hyphenating her last name when she got married, until she realized it would be Johnson-Cox/Cox-Johnson. She decided against it. |
Posted By: God
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 7:34pm
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Having the singular version of that last name combo doesnt make it and better so she should go ahead and hyphenate it. |
Posted By: ThatGuitarGuy
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 8:16pm
I have a Titanium ring that Amanda got me, with a single diamond set in it. It's amazing. Only ring I don't mind wearing all the time. I used to have problems with them getting caught on my guitar strings as I was playing, but this one doesn't seem to, and I don't worry about scratching or warping it while working, because anything that'll break or bend this ring will have long ago broken or ripped of fingers. ------------- Skillet: I've never been terribly fond of the look of a vagina |
Posted By: Hysteria
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 9:35pm
Pics of ring in action or shens. |
Posted By: tallen702
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 9:43pm
Sheesh, I'd have thought you'd have seen it already. And yes, in the script, it says he has a titanium wedding band. ------------- <Removed overly wide sig. Tsk, you know better.> |
Posted By: tallen702
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 10:13pm
 ------------- <Removed overly wide sig. Tsk, you know better.> |
Posted By: usafpilot07
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 10:19pm
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Tallen, are you fingernail biter?
------------- Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo |
Posted By: bravecoward
Date Posted: 17 June 2010 at 11:06pm
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My name is pretty long so it be annoying if it was after a hyphen. Plus i make name tags for my living and i always hate when i have to fit someones hyphenated name onto a 3 inch piece of plastic ------------- 
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Posted By: mbro
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 12:06am
I forgot about that universal morality that everyone subscribes to. That's why all churches teach the same morality. ------------- 
Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos. |
Posted By: Magoo
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 12:23am
Yep, same here. Kinda. My dad has 3 sisters, and I only have a sister. It's all up to me to carry on a name that's hundreds of years old. It'd be my luck to be sterile or something... |
Posted By: tallen702
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 12:25am
Yep, annoys the living hell out of my wife too. Fact of the matter is, you want to have short/non existent nails when you work in the food service industry. ------------- <Removed overly wide sig. Tsk, you know better.> |
Posted By: NiQ-Toto
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 12:50am
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Honestly i kind of feel how FE does on this subject. If she cant commit to your name, is she fully committing to you? Might be old fashioned, but every one of my female family members has taken the name of their male spouse, no exceptions. My father has 4 sisters (all married) and my mother has 2 sisters (also both married). Every one of them took their husbands last name, no question. Most moved their maiden name to their middle name. Its an old tradition, yes, but hell if we abandon ALL tradition then what do we have left?
Im being 100% srs about this too. Its one thing im fairly passionate about, women should take the males name in marriage. ------------- ///AMG What? |
Posted By: SmakDaddy
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 1:47am
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Nickman,
I think a marriage should reflect how you feel about one another and thru marriage you show this to the world. She puts your interests and needs first and you do the same for her. That is the reason for the rings, telling everyone that you are married.. I assume you asked her to marry you and that in your mind your asking included her taking your family name. But now she wants to change things to her way of thinking without considering how you feel or what damage it may do to the marriage in the future. If she is this way now, do not expect things to get better in the future. I would tell her that her thinking conflicts with mine and if no middle ground could be found, I would delay the ceremony or put an ironclad prenup in the marriage...if the marriage proceeds at all. This is an extremely serious agreement that you are entering and to go into it with hurt, frustration, or insult in your heart would be a mistake. I know, I did it, divorced it and still regret knowing that all the signs were there before I married her but I was too young or not mature enough to say 'STOP'..
This would raise a red flag in me as it seems to have done in you. This is a feeling that reflects how you have been raised and how you feel about marriage. Evidently she feels differently. Pay attention, its presumably for the rest of your life.
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Posted By: Gatyr
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 1:58am
DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN. ------------- 
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Posted By: agentwhale007
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 2:13am
| If traditions are outlawed only outlaws will have traditions. |
Posted By: choopie911
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 2:30am
You're not changing your name, are you really committing to her? This bullhockey "morality" and commitment angle just makes me think of guys who think they own their wife. Yeah, thats what its about. |
Posted By: NiQ-Toto
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 2:44am
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Yes i know that i wouldnt be changing my name, but at the same time thats one "sexist" tradition that i am okay with. It has little to do with morality, more to do with her saying shes fully yours. And i know this sounds like property, but i dont mean it to. I want to become one family, not a hyphenated family. I know that its old fashioned, but its still the norm where im from. I want my wife to become part of my family, and at the same time me part of hers. This, however, in my old fashioned views leads to the women taking the mans las name.
If i was truly in love with a woman and she was totally against this, its not something i would call the wedding off for, but i would prefer her to be cool with taking my name. Im not sure why, really, but the way i was raised and the family i was brought up in made this the norm. It is NOT a deal breaker for me, but i do think that the woman taking the mans name is not a slight against women, but an assimilation into the family. A marriage has always been the woman being brought into the mans family, so i dont see how this is something thats strange to you guys... Different strokes? I want to hear your thoughts. ------------- ///AMG What? |
Posted By: pballa
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 3:46am
| And here I thought marriage was supposed to be a commitment signifying two peoples' love for each other. Clearly if something as superficial as a name matters so much, then I am mistaken. I must watch too many romantic comedies.. |
Posted By: Kayback
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 3:59am
Mine is made from a piece of meteorite. 
Yes we cut up a piece of the Muonionalusta meteorite to make our rings. Titanium. Psssh. Honestly I think it depends on what age you get married. If it is in the late teens early 20's, what's wrong with swapping your name? Unless you are kickass, you probably haven't established yourself in the "real" world yet. The later you get married, the more established your current name is. I understand why people don't want to change, but hey, if it just going to be HER surname, why is it bothering you so much. As for FE's statement, It is also a research project I'd like to see. There are a bunch of things I'd like to see researched just for the hell of it. That might actually be a good one. Lacking moral fiber, I'm not too sure about that. KBK |
Posted By: choopie911
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 4:51am
| I totally understand it being the norm, absolutely, I just don't think its a big deal. |
Posted By: Mack
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 5:56am
But . . . it's the NORM! -------------
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Posted By: nickman98
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 8:25am
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i know she loves me, and i know her reasons are pretty sound(such as building a lot of busniess relationships with her last name). its just that i feel pretty old fashion about this and its bad enough that we are different races, i just think adding a hyphend name on top of that will be even more issues. its not a deal breaker by any means just annoying to me.
ive got a sweet tungsten ring its awsome(will post pic when i have it)
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Posted By: tallen702
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 11:39am
Mack, you just dated yourself. And I just dated myself for understanding that visual pun. Half of these kids probably weren't even born when the last episode aired. Nickman, seriously you need to stop and take a look at yourself and ask yourself why you even brought up the issue of being of different races. That shouldn't have even come up in your conversation with us unless someone said something about it. If it's coming up on its own through you without provocation, it's a sign that you have insecurities about the marriage over some bigger issues than changing a name. I'm not trying to say you're being racist on some deep seated level or anything, so don't even go there, but these little doubts, they grow man. And you have to decided to either squash them right now, or let them grown and ruin your life down the road. I don't know if you go to church or even believe in God, but I HIGHLY recommend going to some pre-marital counseling at a local church. It's nothing bad, it's just a really good way to find out if there are any unsaid topics or issues that need to be taken care of BEFORE you get married which will make for smooth sailing afterwards. The minister will talk to you about everything from whether or not religion will play a role in raising your kids to who is going to do the monthly budget. It's totally worth the hour a week you'd go to it, and it really helps to air everything out and let you both be comfortable with your decisions. The added bonus is that you've got a moderator/mediator there in the minister who can help you each see things that you might not recognize or be too stubborn to see otherwise. ------------- <Removed overly wide sig. Tsk, you know better.> |
Posted By: agentwhale007
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 12:20pm
| There is a big difference in what NiQ is saying, that he likes it because of tradition, and FE saying that any hussy who won't take their husband's name lacks moral fiber. |
Posted By: Ceesman762
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 12:32pm
Fixed. I am sorry Whale. I can not help myself but every time I add that in there, I picture FE dressed in some sort of Quaker garb wielding a stick and the bible. I get a small chuckle from it.  ------------- Innocence proves nothing FUAC!!!!! |
Posted By: Monk
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 12:56pm
Seriously though, everytime he said norm, the Cheers song kept popping into my head. I do loves me some titanium.... |
Posted By: jmac3
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 4:37pm
Most of us are over 17 ------------- Que pasa? 
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Posted By: __sneaky__
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 4:41pm
------------- "I AM a crossdresser." -Reb Cpl Forum Vice President RIP T&O Forum |
Posted By: Rofl_Mao
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 5:43pm
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I want a titanium wedding ring when I get married! I want this one!  It's only $80 too! |
Posted By: Darur
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 6:18pm
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You know, FE might be onto something here. 100% of men who cheated on their wives didn't take their wife's name. ------------- Real Men play Tuba [IMG]http://img89.imageshack.us/img89/1859/newsmall6xz.jpg"> PH33R TEH 1337 Dwarf! http://www.tippmann.com/forum/wwf77a/log_off_user.asp" rel="nofollow - DONT CLICK ME!!1 |
Posted By: Mack
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 6:39pm
Ditto . . . which was why I had to post that. -------------
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Posted By: Brian Fellows
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 6:40pm
| Hyphenated names don't bother me. Cutesy first-name portmanteaus, like TomKat, or Brangelina, do. |
Posted By: Mack
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 6:49pm
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^^^ I pioneered that. Long before the paparazzi/tabloids came up with the first one of those I had some acquaintances that I tagged with a name like that. Mainly because they were annoyingly "in love." (You all know the type; overly into each other in the whole "my world revolves around him/her there is no one else for me ever" kind of way.)* Her name was Serena or Sabrina or something like that and his nickname was Lucky.** Anyway, as a couple, I referred to them as "Sucky." They were not impressed and quit talking to me/hanging out around me.*** *No, it didn't last. **Mainly because of his skill at not getting courts-martialed when he should have on repeated occasions. ***Which I was quite okay with. -------------
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Posted By: usafpilot07
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 6:57pm
We do that. Most of the time they aren't any good, but there have been a few gems throughout the years. Jenny + Hamilton were Jenilton.* and Hunter and Kia were Kunter.** *In our defense, the closeness to the word genitalia made us giggle. **I don't care who you are, that's an awesome name for a horrible couple. ------------- Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo |
Posted By: __sneaky__
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 7:20pm
------------- "I AM a crossdresser." -Reb Cpl Forum Vice President RIP T&O Forum |
Posted By: Tical3.0
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 7:24pm
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a black wedding ring? wow emo much there rofl ------------- I ♣ hippies. |
Posted By: mbro
Date Posted: 18 June 2010 at 11:23pm
For all of the old MBro cam viewers, yes they are still together. They are much less annoying to be around together when you're not all trapped in a jail cell that some people call a "dorm" rooom. -------------
Don't blame me, I voted for Kodos. |
Posted By: Rofl_Mao
Date Posted: 19 June 2010 at 12:50am
I leik it. |
Posted By: Tical3.0
Date Posted: 19 June 2010 at 7:50am
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It would look perfect on your hand when you write poetry in your diary. ------------- I ♣ hippies. |
Posted By: nickman98
Date Posted: 19 June 2010 at 8:35am
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so after reading all of your advice, and putting some real thought into it i realized i was being silly. its a name, what matters is that we love each other and are ready to build a life together. on another note we will no longer be doing a ceramony(thank goodness) she decided she didnt want to spend that kinda money on stuff she wont ever use again. so just a big party now yippieeee
and on one more note, we are thinking taking the scenic route up the western coast of michigan(very nice area espcially in october) and i was thinking of renting a nice new camero for the 5 or so days we will be going. any other car suggestions?
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Posted By: Mack
Date Posted: 19 June 2010 at 11:25am
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Posted By: usafpilot07
Date Posted: 19 June 2010 at 11:41am
 ------------- Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo |
Posted By: Heres To You
Date Posted: 19 June 2010 at 3:01pm
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This was a huge deal for me and my wife. I'm not gonna lie, I didn't handle it very well early. It pretty much came down to take the name or we won't get married.
Call it insecurity, vain, chauvinism or whatever. Very few things mattered to me in the wedding. She wanted my hair a certain style that I hated, I went with it. She wanted two maids of honor, I went with it. She wanted a huge wedding and invite half the town and I wanted family, but I went with it. I would not be moved on the last name.
If you can accept that, then that's great. I think my wife did it more just to gauge my response though. I would like to think I compromise fairly well with my partner, but the last name isn't something small to me. ------------- |
Posted By: ammolord
Date Posted: 19 June 2010 at 5:48pm
Haha, nice one sneaky.
Also, 1000'th post! Again! ------------- PSN Tag: AmmoLord XBL: xXAmmoLordXx ~Minister of Tinkering With Things That Go "BOOM!"(AKA Minister of Munitions)~ |
Posted By: scotchyscotch
Date Posted: 22 June 2010 at 8:02pm
Mate you've picked it out. All "lol Rofl's clingy" comments are obsolete. I will bet you that unless you do what we all think you will and get married in the next year you will not signify your love with that. Also how did ammolord get 1000 again have you had another name? |
Posted By: PAINTBALL1
Date Posted: 22 June 2010 at 9:23pm
That's exactly how I was. I'm not sure why either, old fashioned maybe? But I'm 22 so I'm not sure how well that excuse holds up. I'm not sure what I compromised on to make it work? We'll just put a check in the "win" category for the husband.
We ended up flying to Hawaii, small ceremony (4 people) on the beach then a 7 day cruise. Worked out perfectly and came in right under $3k. ------------- USAF Special Weapons Technician. |
Posted By: ammolord
Date Posted: 22 June 2010 at 10:20pm
God decided to throw me into the negitive range when i had 1500 posts a while back. ------------- PSN Tag: AmmoLord XBL: xXAmmoLordXx ~Minister of Tinkering With Things That Go "BOOM!"(AKA Minister of Munitions)~ |
Posted By: Heres To You
Date Posted: 23 June 2010 at 3:12am
What beach did you get married on? My bro got married in front of the hale' koa. Really nice wedding. Another got married in front of turtle bay.
My wife had her dream wedding, and thankfully her parents paid for it. She admits now she's happy with the last name change, but at first her being an "independant" woman made for quite a fight. She's a southern girl, so I think she had the name change all along, she just wanted me to come out and say I wanted her to take it. ------------- |
Posted By: PAINTBALL1
Date Posted: 23 June 2010 at 9:54pm
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I can't even tell you the name of the beach. It was originally supposed to be "Sandy beach", but then due to a traffic accident the location got moved and then moved again because of the pastors time constraints. We ended up on a nice little beach on the "back side" of diamondhead. I wouldn't have changed a thing.
We tried getting reservations at the Hale' Koa, but that was a joke! We stayed at a hotel across from the Hilton (I think?) which was just down the street from the Hale' Koa... BEAUTIFUL! We actually took some pictures in the garden there, it was fantastic. That was in Aug of 2006. I'm hoping now that I'm Active Duty we'll be able to make it back to Hawaii again. Maybe for our 10 year... One thing I don't miss is the almost 20hrs of travel time. My wife is happy to have my name now too. And it's to the point where shes not just happy, but proud to say shes a "mylastname". It worked out well. ------------- USAF Special Weapons Technician. |