This is exactly the crux of it! Of people like me...

The question that is on the back of my mind at all times is, "Am I manly enough?" It's a self-defeating question! If I even ask, the answer is automatically "no." Just asking is an indicator of the lack of confidence in my own masculinity. Some people who ask the question too much try to validate their masculinity through banging bimbos and just being competitive (in an animalistic sense). "Frat boys," as it were. The opposite end of the spectrum for the question-askers is an acceptance of lack of confidence, which is where I suffer. Before I even begin, I accept that I'm not good enough, or what have you, so I abandon the idea. The specific area I suffer from is sexuality, and it's a vicious cycle. I can't get any because I lack confidence, and I lack confidence because I can't get any. What the hell am I supposed to do? I can't just say "get over it and get over her." My mental barrier simply prevents that!

Edit: I did it again. Sorry, I don't want to thread-jack...

... and they were beautiful. 

Firstly, when I mentioned masculinity, I was referencing confidence. You can be Burt Reynolds, you could be Johnny Depp, but the root of it all is confidence in one's self. I've always found that confidence to BE George Clooney or Orlando Bloom (figuratively) as opposed to TRYING to be them is an indicator of one's masculinity, or confidence in themselves as men. Or in reference to women, femininity. Whatever. It's all personal identity. You may ask "Golly DeTrevni, why not just call it 'self-confidence?'" Well, you'd be right, but there are underlying characteristics as well, associated with one's gender. Old ideals such as Chivalry, or even English (or Southern) gentry (of the more contemporary definition) inspire me. A social etiquette that I think has kinda fizzled out over the years. Really though, all that is non sequitur. I should have just referenced it as "confidence" and left the masculinity out of it, but I wasn't thinking straight.

That said, the subject of sexuality is the root to many of my problems today, and I guess this is where I got the "masculinity" bit from. Because of my overall lack of self-confidence, I occasionally question my standing as a "man." Yes, it's shallow, I know, but it's a legitimate worry for me. I appreciate the words and tough love, but it has been so ingrained into my psyche that "just get over it" won't cut it, unfortunately. Of course, I work in a machine shop surrounded by the typical blue-collar types who weigh masculinity on a scale of how many girls they can bang, and how often. Naturally, that can whittle away at my ego over time, shallow though it may be. It's tough to stay strong. It really is.

So essentially, I wasn't referencing Burt Reynolds as much as I was referencing confidence. I wish I had more, sure, but I'm doing hella better than I was. No doubt. I still get waves of "identity crisis" now and again, as can be seen, but I'm really doing better.

Sorry to be the Debbie Downer here.

*and unorganized.

But seriously though, people, especially women, make no goddamn sense at all. I've notice that as I've grown older it's easier to pull, but you're less motivated to do so. Maybe the slight indifference looks like confidence, it's hard to tell. My life has had way too much uncertainty to make anything long-term, and I have made some unwise short-term decisions that I'm lucky didn't end up with me needing antibiotics or birdshot removed from my backside. My advice, is try someone slightly older. Younger girls like to play mind games, don't know what they want, or have totally delusional expectations about pretty much everything. Older ones tend to be more realistic and down to earth, more straightforward, and better at what they do. I'm not saying you should go cougar hunting, but if you aren't feeling as full of youthful foolishness, don't seek the company of youthful fools. 

 

I tried reading through every post, but honestly found myself skimming and wanting to sit down with a nice bottle of chardonnay and watch "Beaches".

 

Seriously though, wait until you have been with the same woman for nearly 1/2 of your life! The stresses of money, health and kids can and most likely will suck any sexual desires you have completely out of you. I used to laugh at Al Bundy thinking that he was a schmo, but holy crap it's happening to me!

I don't think I have ever felt like I wasn't manly enough. Those types of thoughts never entered in to my brain. I do take pride in the way I dress and have made some changed about myself since my last girlfriend. Sometimes you have to take that motivation of a bad relationship and make positive changes. I'm not the worst looking guy in the world and it mostly comes down to being able to talk to girls. I have to say that one thing I had over a lot of my friends in the military was "charm." It is true that a lot of guys these days use the uniform to get women, and those are the types of women I try to avoid. I almost felt like it was the equivalent of a cave-man beating a woman over the head and dragging her back to the cave by her foot. Sometimes you just have to put yourself out there a lot and expect to be shot down. Just keep telling yourself that she wasn't that cute anyways. 

At age 25, you get to a tipping point. I was 24 and dating a 19 year old (oddly enough of Hispanic decent as well) and I found her very attractive. I actually didn't find out her age until later and was impressed with her maturity. Eventually, like you, I started to notice the age difference even of 5 years. It makes a difference. 

When you find the woman who can not only hold an intelligent conversation but be very beautiful in that way, those things that used to rev your engine will come right back. Sounds like your at the point where a deeper connection needs to be made, but don't force it or it will turn out horribly wrong. 

 

*Sorry. Really bored today.

And to the OP, don't worry..there is certainly light at the end of the tunnel. I have since rebounded long ago from those things I was so worried about after my ex. Time does heal certain wounds (I would disagree that it heals ALL wounds) so don't sweat this one out too much. In a short while, you will be laughing at the thought of making this thread. Just be prepared to put a few crazies under your belt and make sure you get out before things get too complicated. Unfortunately, with today's medicated generation/youth, it is bound to happen. I still haven't settled down yet, but it gets easier to spot women that aren't worth the time. Luckily, as Gatyr will remind everyone, I have my piercing blue eyes and charming personality to fall back on. That, and always tell yourself you can't POSSIBLY be the WORST looking thing out there. If anything, this is karma/faith/god/whatever you believe in telling you to focus on what makes you happy and a better person before you find someone else who compliments you. Don't try to find someone who completes you, but try to find someone who compliments and adds to you.