I wish I were religious.

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   [livejournal topic]  I don't think I've ever made one of these, so I feel entitled to make at least one.  I tried to put my random musings into a logical, linear order for ease of read, but if I still seem to be jumping around too much, I apologize.

I have come to the realization as of late that I wish I were religious.

Before now, I have been glad that I'm an Atheist.  I thought of myself as enlightened, open-minded and generally more informed than those claiming there is a super-cool dude in the sky who looks out for all of his peeps.  However, due to somewhat recent existential crises of sorts, I actually do wish I had the conviction that I knew what was going to happen to me, that the aforementioned super-cool dude would set me upon the right path and that in the end, everything would work out.

This all started mid-way thought this semester and at first, it was simply Sleepy Carl convincing me not to get up for class (it's actually funny that is what the skit is about.  I remembered it as just Carl convincing him not to get up period, but then I watched the video to post it here and lol'ed).  Eventually Sleepy Carl resorted to less-than-conventional tactics.  Said tactics started after many late-night arguments about religion.  As I lay in my bed before sleep pondering the meaning of life and various other related issues, Sleep Carl was right there taking notes.  Now, a decent percentage of the time when I am supposed to get up and get ready for school, that jerk pops in and reminds me that there is no inherent meaning of life, that as far as the big picture goes, this class will not improve my quality of life and that going to class in general is just taking up time I can be skiing on french-toast-sticks.  This prompts me lay there for a couple of minutes trying to decide what to do and usually I finally decide upon "screw it - I'm going skiing".

When I finally do wake up and reconsider his musings, I see the flaw in at least one of his arguments, of course - class will improve my quality of life by allowing me to get a degree which = more money.  It is then that my overall existential crisis takes over and I remind myself that no, more money does not necessarily = better quality of life, since quality of life is mostly contingent upon happiness and not material belongings.  This does nothing but put that page right back into Carl's book to be used once again at will.

My ongoing existential crisis also affects more than getting up for class in the morning.  It pretty much penetrates every facet of school.  I.e. - why do homework since it won't matter in the end?  To graduate?  Once I graduate, I'm just going to work a 9-5 for 40 years, retire and die.  With that in mind, doing pages upon pages of my capstone economics course homework seems meaningless and pointless.

In other words, I have a new habit of not getting up due to my current existential crisis and when I am up, I don't want to do homework or go to bed on time for the same reason.  It is quite the cycle of neglecting schoolwork.

To tie this all back to name of the topic; I now envy everyone who updates their statues with "<name> knows that God has a purpose for them in life and can't wait to find their calling!" and the like.  It must be nice to think that there is a benevolent force guiding one's life in the best suited path and that no mater what, he will make sure your life has its best possible outcome.  Hence:

I wish I were religious.  [/livejournal]

I wish I were religious.

Psalm 19

A psalm of David.