Funniest Noob Stories thread

what? im not making fun. everyones been a noob, we all know it. hence the funniest thing YOU ever did.

ill start: when i first started playing i was absolutely amazed and terrified by a PMI milsim. I was shocked that he gogged me, and i thought he actually picked a body part with his shot from 200 feet. I've learned a lot... 

Edited by Ilford Rule - 14 January 2008 at 5:45pm

When I came back to the game after taking a long time away, I found out a lot of things had changed.  For instance, semi-auto markers had become common, full face protection was required (no more shop goggles), and they had these safety device thingys called barrel plugs. 

One day, after only being back in the game a couple of weeks, I found myself in a position where I had a chance to outflank the opposing team while the rest of my team was pinned down.  There was this wide (25 ft or more) ditch than ran between the road and the main playing area.  Usually, it was a playable area as the road was 15 feet straight up from it and it was only a few feet lower than the main area, but on this day it was partially flooded and very muddy.  There were enough people on each team (over a dozen) that the defending team was able to set up so they had a firing line all the across the field from this ditch to the river on the other side.  They had also located so that anyone who wanted to deploy on their postions had to cross an open area with sparse ground cover and just a few good size trees.  Since they had also established interlocking fields of fire so that the tree trunks could not be used for cover, the game stalemated shortly after we entered the field; we couldn't approach them without taking heavy losses, and they had no need to move out towards us.  I was on the far right of our skirmish line, taking cover behind the edge of the ditchline and trying to keep my feet out of the water when I noticed a way to move forward; while the other team had several people watching my side of the field, they didn't have anyone right on the ditch edge.  I backed off a bit, dropped to my stomach and started crawling.  I had to stay pretty low because the ditch, as I mentioned before, was only two feet or so lower than the field.  Once I got far enough along that I didn't want to go back I realized that do to the growth along the edge of the ditch I was going to have to crawl through the water and mud.  I decided to go for it and was careful to keep my marker out of the water as I crawled forward, although, I did get the occasional splash through the  bottom of my mask.  Once I was behind the other team,  I realized that they had posted a rear guard that would have to be eliminated first.  I approached him by crawling up a much smaller ditch that while not filled with water, was not as deep and still quite muddy. To make my approach even more difficult, this guy was really alert.  He was looking all around him and not fixating on anyone direction.  I had to actually put my mask in the mud to approach him, but I finally got into position.  I waited a few moments for him to look away and lifted up and fired once he did.  Paint spewed from the porting of my Flatline as my barrel plug was launched from the end of the muzzle.  He turned and looked at me with a stunned expression, probably because he didn't think anyone could have gotton so close without him seeing them.  (I was only about 25 feet away; I'd had to get close to be sure of the elimination because of the intervening small branches.)  Instead of firing again, I froze.  I was so stunned at my stupidity that I didn't even think to fire again.  He looked at me laying in the muddy ditch with my marker pointed at him for a moment more then called himself out.  I assumed that he didn't want me to shoot at close range until I walked up and found my barrel plug near where he had been hiding.  When I talked to him after the game, he told me he called out because he felt a hit in the center of his back.

I never was a noob. I was always the bank of paintball knowledge as you see me here today.

sporx wrote: never a noob? that's like saying that you were never a child.

I was never one of those either.

sorry i just have to bring this back have some things to share,

this friday at indoor field a group of kids are having a birthday there, so we take turns on the field and in between game the one kid asks me what if i shoot you if the face, i tell him he cant since i can catch paintballs with my hand and he belived me. 

i let one kid shoot my ion at the crono the wieght of my 88/45(beast of a tank) send the gun straight up in the air while he pulls the trigger. he ended up blasting the crono and wall beam next to it. 

they all also called paintballs bullets.

i never really did anything noone else has done.  There was this one time when me and some buddies went (2nd time i had gone) and we decided to play speedball with some tourney players.  right off the break, we where screwed.  we all went behind 1 stand up.  6 kids behind one stand up....  imagine that..   i said "someone has gotta move" and i pushed my friend tom right in the middle of a lane and he got lit up. that's really the only funny story i remember that i was involved in, but i remember some pretty memorable newbies...  like once i saw a cocky tourney player accedently pop one off in his barrel condom in the staging area.  then he kept doing it so people wouldn't think he was stupid.  another time, this one kid with a brand new A-5 with a flatline and crap was told to make like a tree.  he took it a little to literal.  he actually acted like a tree....  i can't see how people can hate newbs.... i mean, they're so comical, you have to love them

Mr. Heckler wrote: There's a kid like that at our field. He's got an A-5, Flatty, R/T, wears brown coveralls and sucks. We just call him A-5 kid. Anyway, this one time we were playing and these two middle eastern guys were renting. I was crouched behind a bush and one of them jumps around the corner less than 10 feet away and fires like 10 rounds. He missed all of them and I'm like "The hell?". So I turn and put 2 balls square into his chest. Then, get this, he start yelling and screaming at me about the 10 foot rule. My entire team just laughed at him for the rest of the time he was there.

i didn't like being shot in the thigh from like 4 feet away 3 times :(  i played like a month ago+ and i still have a scar... even chronoed at 230... well, he was supposed to be.  They don't really check at sgt splatters.

RavenGuard wrote: Mr. Heckler wrote: There's a kid like that at our field. He's got an A-5, Flatty, R/T, wears brown coveralls and sucks. We just call him A-5 kid. Anyway, this one time we were playing and these two middle eastern guys were renting. I was crouched behind a bush and one of them jumps around the corner less than 10 feet away and fires like 10 rounds. He missed all of them and I'm like "The hell?". So I turn and put 2 balls square into his chest. Then, get this, he start yelling and screaming at me about the 10 foot rule. My entire team just laughed at him for the rest of the time he was there. i didn't like being shot in the thigh from like 4 feet away 3 times :(  i played like a month ago+ and i still have a scar... even chronoed at 230... well, he was supposed to be.  They don't really check at sgt splatters.

You play at Sgt. Splatter? Isn't that in Toronto? I'm in Hamilton.

haha funny newb story about me being the dumbass that i am

i was running away from my friend who was pretty much lighting me up and i wasnt watching where i was going and ran straight on into a tree..not really a newb story just a pathetic story lol...

98_custom22 wrote: haha funny newb story about me being the dumbass that i am i was running away from my friend who was pretty much lighting me up and i wasnt watching where i was going and ran straight on into a tree..not really a newb story just a pathetic story lol...

I have a paintball video of a guy doing that...