Another Scotchy adventure (With pikeys)

Last Friday I was feeling decidedly rough after the wedding the night before in which I mistook the hot barmaids attempt to kill me with half pints of free jager and mystery drink that used far too many bottles to be a good idea as a sign that my chat was on form for the night and she wanted to have a squatch under the kilt.

So on i went to my mates 21st birthday party and that went pretty well. We rented out a room of a club and everyone had a skinfull. I just about kept my dignity although I reckon only just.
With our attempts to chat up the fat birds failing and the big black guy that does the aftershave and lollipops in the bog looking for us to kick our heads in after my mate Johny gave him what he insists was a "Happy slap" we staggered out of the club. Regrouped and decided we were going to the local skin bar. We found this was shut :( It was now that that Johnny came up with the plan that we were going on a "Hoor hunt" but I didn't fancy the chances at 4 am in Glasgow of finding anything. So we went to the casino.

Here we befriend a nice wee tart and her fat pals. Have some more beers and get kicked out at 6am.

Im parelitic at this point and decide to go on an adventure. With limited cash we decide to get the London train and wherever we get booted off thats where we go and get wrecked. We get papped in Penrith (About an hour into England. And I cant be bothered writing the rest properly so I'll bullet point it for you.

• Talk to a taxi driver at the station who said the last time Scots turned up like this we wrecked there castle and killed a few peeps.
• Taxi driver tells us theres a huge Gypsy festival on and not to go near it because the Pikeys like a good fight
• On our way passed a car showroom I chuck johnny into the boot of one of the cars and shut the lid. Thinking i can open it from the outside.
• I cannot
• I interupt a meeting in the showroom to get the keys to the car becaus ehe "fell" into it
  
• We go get a bottle of vodka and sit in a park in the sun its about 9am
  
• We finish the vodka so we go get a couple of bottles of buckfast tonic wine
• We chat to a girl with a van and I spend the next hour being driven around cumbria in the back of a van filled with newspapers and drunks.
  
•  We go to a pub and make friends with the natives very good friends in my mate Johnnys case he picks up a wee tart.
• We get thrown out of the pub because the barmaid was a silly cow and was informed of the fact.
  
• Tart says that the Gypsy festival will be a laugh
• I suspect she's a pikey
• • We go to the pikey festival as pissed as three farts get into arguments with the Police and a few pikeys. Get threatened by the local young team but after a few stern words there our pals.
  • Attempt to hitch hike home to no avail. Stumble acros some more Gypo's. Invite us for a piss up and barbecue
    
  • I Wake up in a field in the wrong bloody country. No tent no sleeping bag very cold.
    
  • We go home.

  
  
  Not a bad weekend really. Thers so much more that happened but i Cant be bothered writing it and i dont think you can be bothered reading it.
  
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Edited by scotchyscotch - 11 June 2010 at 11:01am

I didn't understand most of that, but I came away with two things.


You live a very interesting life, and i still get quite the enjoyment from tryign to decipher your dialect.

hahaha, i read that with an accent too. Its twice as funny.

Ceesman762 wrote: What the hell is a pikey?

I think it's drunk-Scottish-slang for a "gypsy."  But I have to admit that I had trouble initially figuring it out too.

The first thing I thought of was that perhaps it was a misspelling of "pics" or "piks" and we would see cool pictures.

The second thing I thought of was one of these . . .



. . . but that didn't make a lot of sense.  (Although, I could see scotchy getting drunk enough to practice nefarious deeds on a fish . . . especially if the only other option included fat chicks given his obvious disdain for the hefty heifers.)

Then I thought of this . . .



. . . which makes more sense.  I could easily imagine a drunk scotchy conducting a raid on a castle/museum in England and ending up running around the country with a stolen pole-arm and the local constabulary in hot pursuit.

But after reading his post thoroughly, I came to the conclusion that it was just a slang term for gypsies.

scotchyscotch wrote: On our way passed a car showroom I chuck johnny into the boot of one of the cars and shut the lid. Thinking i can open it from the outside. I cannot

I loled at the second line above.

scotchyscotch wrote: I Wake up in a field in the wrong bloody country. No tent no sleeping bag very cold

I can commiserate since I have "been there, done that."  (Right country, but the only cover I had was my pants which I had apparently gotten off without removing my boots and I was in somebody's backyard next to their pool rather than being in my barracks.)


Edited by Mack - 11 June 2010 at 9:14pm

People that are able to drink for nearly 24 hours solid and continue to function amaze me. I would have easily passed out somewhere at the 6 am mark. Even in my college days. I have to admit, the thought of sitting in a park at 9am drinking vodka and sitting in the sun after a night of partying, actually made me a little ill.... and than following it up with some wine.

Edited by oldpbnoob - 11 June 2010 at 12:23pm

Mack wrote: My decision is that I appointed people to handle these things and I will allow them to do so at their own discretion.  In this way I both avoid micro-managing and maintain plausible deniability* for later if required. *Based on the theory that I have no responsibility for any acts performed by my minions.  (Which is based on the current trend among the forum liberals of absolving the President Obama of any responsibility related to the acts of his appointees.)

So we can "interrogation and re-educate" with out any real permission?  Awesome.

scotchyscotch wrote:

Scotcy, you poof.

Cees, YES!!

Can't be worse than "I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell" (which is utterly hilarious).  I vote yes.