Huh?

The following is a letter to the editor from the 21 Feb edition of our local paper. I couldn't find a link, but the author was just so "out there" that I decided to retype the entire letter here for everyone's amusement.  Any misspellings/typos are probably mine and the name (although printed in the paper) was withheld to protect the terminally without a life:

Case against dogs
I notice the Tribune has been printing a lot of anti-dog propaganda lately with stories about cuddly canines causing traffic fatalities and spreading disease.  Good!  It's about time.  The case against "canis familiaris" is overwhelming. 

The "good book" spills a bean or two about the ignoble cur, as in Proverbs 26:11, "As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly."  This also sheds illumination on why our two species are so simpatico, but that is only the beginning of the vile habits of "man's best fiend."* 

He barks and yaps incessantly.  He licks his crotch and then wants to lick your face.  He defecates and sheds everywhere.  He is coprophagous.  He is randomly randy and doesn't care who knows it.  he bites people.  He chews things up.  He abjectly grovels to humans, disgracing his noble lineage.  He is a horrible example for children, unless you want your child to grow up to be a mooching parasite with filthy habits.

Readers who believe a "however" is coming are wrong.  The tiny percentage of dogs that are actually intelligent and useful is statistically insignificant.  Legends of canine loyalty are largely baloney.  For every Greyfriars Bobby or Old Shep (assuming those yarns to be true), there are millions of promiscuous pooches that will lick the hand of anyone who deigns to feed them.  There are also the cases of shut-in mongrels that resort to eating their dead masters.


*Correctly quoted for those who are curious.

^^^  I'll have to look that up now.

Mack wrote: ^^^  I'll have to look that up now.

I guess I should rephrase that: This reads like something William Randolph Hearst would have written about dogs if he chose to do so.

Sounds like something our drunken narcoleptic mayor would have written if she wasn't illiterate.

mbro wrote: oldpbnoob wrote: Sounds like something our drunken narcoleptic mayor would have written if she wasn't illiterate. Story time?

Pretty much the extent of it. Every once in awhile, she writes a letter to the editor that is so fractured in thought, that it sounds like a sciztophrenic composed it. Esentially, she gets voted into office every year because no one else wants the job. And she is truly narcoleptiic. Not 100% sure about the drunken part, but at the least she is bats..t crazy.

Edited by oldpbnoob - 23 February 2011 at 11:42pm