Hey married guys!!

Oh God.



I'll get the popcorn.  This can't end well.

usafpilot07 wrote: Oh God. I'll get the popcorn.  This can't end well.

I actually posted most of this as a joke.  There's only 2 people on here who's opinions I'm looking for, and I plan to laugh at everyone elses.

Prenump

Knowing that I'm probably not one of the two that you were looking for, I'm going to have to still throw out there that it's WAY too soon.

Four months in?

As a man who has never been in love that is so confusing to me.

slackerr26 wrote: oh god you're worse than ROFL

Nice.

It's a bit early to go popping the question if you ask me. Erin and I knew rather well that marriage was a very real possibility for us, but I didn't think I "knew" until after about 6 months, even then, you've got to wait a while to let everything flesh out. There are all types of things that neither of you know about the other that might be deal breakers. There were things in Erin and my relationship that we didn't notice, or didn't say anything about for months because we didn't want to offend the other person, or mess it all up in the early stages. Even the little things can cause major headaches down the road. Sure, you think you can live with them now, but who knows how you'll feel 2 years from now.

Story time!!!! I've been "sure" that "this girl's the one!" 4 times in my life and, in all reality, the only time that was actually true was with Erin, my wife. The first one was a college girlfriend of almost 2 years. I love everything about her but when it came down to it in the end, we wound up wanting different things for our lives. She wanted the big city, I wanted suburban life. It just didn't work out even though right up until then, I was sure that she was going to be "the one." Girl number two was a divorcee that I had known for years before dating. I really and truly loved her with all my heart, but she had issues that she needed to take care of and that meant me having to let her go. In the end, people who were less caring than me took advantage of her and messed her up even more. Only now is she anywhere near where she needs to be, and now she's a different person than the one I loved. I really wanted to marry her as well, at least I thought I did.

Finally girl 3 was someone that was in a similar situation to what you've got going on. We stayed at each other's places all the time. We got along great for about a year, we even went and looked at rings, but then her jealousy came out and took her over. She turned into a complete psycho on me in a matter of months. It was a good thing I didn't wind up popping the question. We wound up breaking up after a year and a half, and it was messy as could be, but thank God I didn't wind up marrying her.

Finally, I met Erin. We took it slow for a little bit and then eventually I wound up almost living with her, going home only 1 or 2 times a week to do laundry, pay bills, make sure my room-mate hadn't sold all my stuff for beer money. We dated for almost a year before moving in together. Even then we had a room-mate who was a mutual friend of ours which really helped even out the atmosphere of the place. After about 7 months of living together (this is a year and 5 months after we started dating) I popped the question. Even then, we continued to live with our roomie until the lease was up several months later and then moved into our own apartment where we lived for another year before getting married. Now, it was 3 years between dating and getting married, of which 2 years were spent living together as rent paying partners and almost 5 months of me staying with her almost continuously. I honestly wouldn't have had it any other way.

In short, move in before hand, get another person to live there to help even out the atmosphere, get a place with enough room for you to sleep in a different bedroom if necessary (it helps!) and don't jump to conclusions. Most people date at least a year and a half before popping the question.

do it, nothing could go wrong

Rofl_Mao wrote: Go for it. LOL JKING (you guys were expecting me to say that >.>) take a couple more months dude.

STOP BEING SO CLINGY!

I'm not married myself, so take anything I say with a grain of salt.

I'm glad you've found someone you love enough to be seriously considering making that kind  of commitment to.A lot of my friends/relatives have become engaged/married/divorced over the last few years, so considering that a smart person learns from the mistakes of others, I'll say this:

You have history, this is a good thing for your relationship as a whole. That being said, your actual romantic relationship is still somewhat young, and being a somewhat cautious person (on important things like family, not less important things like splitting my head open doing something dangerous/fun) my gut reaction is that it's too soon. When I was considerably younger and less intelligent/experienced, I was in a 2 year relationship with someone I thought I loved. We had had problems, not just relationship problems, but serious events that affected both of us and got through them together. The "trial period" of living together brought to light some serious incompatibility issues that I never would have previously noticed. Her expectations/demands for me did not match my goals for myself, and not on trivial issues either. I suppose had I really been in love, I would have been more willing to compromise on certain issues  if I were convinced she was the most important person in my life and an essential part of future happiness for me. This was not the case, and had I been where I had wanted to be financially/personally, I might have been willing to take the relationship further. Eventually we got comfortable enough to not be inhibited about our most personal issues (not just me being comfortable farting in bed, though that is a major relationship mile-stone) and learned some things about each other, and revealed personal concerns about each other that directly related to the ensuing break-up.

Again, we were younger, and you have a kid already so I don't doubt your maturity. Just keep in mind that there are most likely still things about each other you don't know, and if you aren't living together, that's even more unknowns. I think you should let your relationship mature to the point where you feel comfortable that the surprises won't be unpleasant and that if they were unpleasant issues for you, you'll find comfort instead of judgment. Wait and evaluate, start a dedicated savings account for a ring, and if it falls through, buy  a boat or something. As the son of a musician, that hobby can wear thin after a while. I'm sure my mother loved the idea of marrying one, but when a family crisis arises (and those are inevitable, unless you're first in the family to die) she's going to get annoyed that you're out playing and sticking her with the kids, and annoyed that she isn't at your gigs like she was when you were dating/newlyweds, and will spend the evening drinking as much as she did when she went to your shows, but instead of having fun she will vent her frustration towards any future children you two have, and probably tell the kids that she's vomiting from the stress they cause her instead of intoxication. None of this would be obvious to you at this point.

How do you envision your life with her in 5 years? No more kids makes it easier, but people change. Is she the type of person you would still want to be with if something drastically changed or came to light? I say wait, if you are concerned she'll bail if you don't pop the question for another year or two, it's probably a bad question to ask her. There are plenty of couples who have monogamous relationships and kids for years w/o getting married and aren't insecure about the lack of a ring. In this day and age, a pre-nup shouldn't be a turn-off for any mature, rational person. I would consider that, or setting a date waaaaay down the line.

One thing that I don't believe will change w/ age: chicks make guys stupid. make sure you're not being stupid before doing anything/one stupid

NiQ-Toto wrote: WOW there are some long posts in here. Ill just leave this...

win.