Strangest bathroom experience ever.

Message Topic Search Topic Options Post Reply Create New Topic Printable Version Translate Topic

   I've decided to start sharing my experiences in life with you more, like I used to do years ago. 
And this will be a story. 

As you may know, I've been working quite a bit these past few weeks on a series of research projects that require me to be somewhere in front of a computer for hours (14 of them yesterday) in a row. I find that I work better in a library than I do at home, where I'm more likely to stay focused on work and less likely to get distracted with an episode of Chopped on the TV. 

So, off to the library I've been, pretty much every evening for the past two weeks. 

I also like being in the library later in the evening, as there are fewer people making noise and such. 

As a side note to this, let me explain the demographics of this library past 11:30 p.m. (It is open 24-hours on most days) Bravecoward can probably attest to this too, as can Uncle Rudder. 

There are three types of people in the library late at night: 

1) Stressed grad students on the verge of deadline-caused combustion. This is the category I fall into. 
2) Asians. Tons of Chinese students. I'm assuming that this is because, in their culture, if they stop studying, they have to fall atop a sword. 
3) The homeless. Because the library has heat and computers (Although I'm not sure where the homeless go on the Internet), quite a few gather in the library at night. Even though you're supposed to have a valid school ID to be there after midnight, I've never seen anyone asked to show it. 
Now, the other evening, I'd say it's about 2:30 a.m., I go to the bathroom to take care of God's business, as they might say. I go into the stall, and begin the process. Shortly after, someone else comes into the bathroom and into the stall next to mine. 

Which I don't like, but hey, whatever. 

Then, the person begins making noise. Not like, a poop-moan noise. Which is weird, but we've all been there after trying the mussels at the $6.50 buffet. 

No, this guy is scream-grunting. I've turned on Discovery Health channel before and seen births where there was less noise than this guy was making. It would start with a dull gurgling, then turn into the sound an Olympic powerlifter makes mid-clean and jerk. 

It was terrifying. 

Here I was, just wanting to get my work done, and I'm going to hear someone die. Awesome. 

Then the sound. It sounded like he had brought a fish aquarium into the bathroom with him and poured it out into the toilet, gravel and plastic castles included. One of the worst sounds I've ever heard. All while continuing to scream-grunt. 

I hurried my own business and left the stall. I had to get out. 

As I go to wash my hands, I realize that there is a middle-aged Chinese student standing with his face in the sink. He's just splashing some water on his face, I think to myself. It's almost 3 a.m., I can understand that. 

Except not. 

He has turned the water on, and is bent over at the waist, and is smushing his face into the bowl of the sink, shoved his entire head under the faucet, and is letting the water pour over the back of his head. Not making any noise, just letting water pour over him. 

I left without washing my hands. I used the bottle of hand sanitizer at the desk instead. 

I think I'm going to start working from home after 1 a.m. from now on. 